And We Sailed On

Light No. 4

2012-01-29T21:50:00.000-07:00

Wow. Four weeks into the year?
This past week was a week of letting some things go in favor of people and relationships. I feel like I chose the right thing, although I am still recovering all the messes and my lack of keeping up with it all.

I did some art work this week that was so good for me. I did some Soul Restoration work that was helpful. I made a mess all over the place doing it too. And I'm still glad I did it.

Kurt put up a new light in the basement for me today so I can work in my art area at any hour of the day or night. I LOVE light!!! Honestly, after I chose that word, light, I wondered if maybe I should have chosen something else like joy, peace you know something more common. Yet this past week as I have thought and thought about that word I have realized it is the perfect word for me this year. It caused me to admire the sunset with my children this week; it reminded me to open the blinds, it warmed me right up.

There are so many things I could have done a better job with this week. Yet there is a lot I did do. I went to the gym 5 times. I spent time with friends that I cherish. I cut chocolate out of my diet (gasp, I'm still surprised with myself). I ate salad for lunch 4 days in a row. I layed down on the floor and played cards with my three year old. I took a deep breath and re-worded my thoughts before I spoke some thoughts to my oldest daughter that could have been taken negatively. Kurt and I went on a date. I planned and delivered invites for a get together at my house to try to make new friends. I organized a few drawers and Emma's room a lot. {I give it about 5 days to be back to normal!} I read scriptures and listened to inspiring messages. I connected with a few family members who don't live nearby. I went to the post office (one of my most despised errands). I finished two books. I went to bed earlier.

I felt more light in my life! I have a million miles to go, but I am still going to call it a success.
sailing on to month two,
E

Photo Favorite

2012-01-27T12:19:00.000-07:00

We had a lot of friends over this week. A Lot. My house looks like a wreck but I have very happy children who have built friendships and I am blessed to have some of my frienships renewed as well. It's worth a messy house for sure.

Happy Weekend!

Kitchen teaser

2012-01-24T14:20:00.000-07:00

Ok. This week I am deterined to finally share with everyone {my vast audience! ha} my finished kitchen project. I am SO HAPPY with how it turned out and so happy that I finally finsihed. It was a ton of work. Everthing is, right? but now I'm nearing the finish {I need to paint walls now}. If you link over to my sisterview blog you can see how the cabinets look now:

SISTERVIEW

Stay tuned for the full report.
Happy Tuesday!

E

Light No. 3

2012-01-22T21:30:00.000-07:00

I completely dropped the ball on several things this week. I forgot about Madeline's changed piano day {again} and missed the lesson completely. For the second time this year. {and the year is 3 weeks old so that means I'm not doing too hot on that one}. I missed my exercise a few days this week. I know that isn't a huge deal except that it dramatically affects my mood. I am re-learning this about myself. The challenge is that I can't take Faye to the gym yet (she isn't old enough and I don't want to either) but how do I get to the gym? It's been late at night and generally tough. I have gone 4 times this week though and I have the sore muscles to prove it. Being sore at least re-assures me that I may in fact still have some muscles under there somewhere if I can just find them and bring them back to the surface now that would be wonderful.

I think I would still count it as a good week. I slowed down and had some good laughs with the children. I scheduled play dates twice this week and really enjoyed getting to know some new friends we haven't had over before. I painted my toe and finger nails. I improved my scripture study. I had patience and a soft answer at a critical moment for one of my daughters. I remembered that I used to have dance parties with the children on the way home from school in the car and so we did it again and it made us all laugh. I guess what I'm saying is that while I didn't do anything huge/wonderful/exciting I did keep going each day, trying to make it a little bit better than the one before. I made an effort to tie open the drapes and it is amazing how this small act (literally and figuratively) brings so much light into my life. I feel happier when there is light streming in through the windows. I must remember this. I started communicating more with some family members that I don't call enough and that brought me joy.

One of the goals on the resolutionary challenge this week was to always sit down when eating. This was a great thing for me. It helped me to slow down and taste and chew my food and enjoy it and to not just walk through the kitchen and grab handfuls of food without realizing all those calories I was adding to my day! I am going to continue to this habit, I think it really changes how I eat!

Another thing that was really important for me to do this week was to take some photos of Faye in her blessing gown. Her blessing was in December but the night got away from me and ever since I have been wanting to put her back in her dress and get some photos. I finally did it this week. Faye was not very happy so I ended up having a lot of shots with her pacifier in and she has a little rash on her skin on her face that I was hoping would clear up but at least I did get the pictures. I don't want to keep waiting thinking at another day or moment it will be perfect (because that never happens).

Emma was really fun and entertaining this week. One of the funniest things she did was one afternoon she was skateboaring down the driveway - she does this by being on her hands and knees on the board and then sticking out a knee or foot or just bailing off into the grass when it gets going to fast for her or she wants to stop. It is actually quite a courageous act for her little body and I got a kick out of watching her and Clark do this. Later that day she said to me "Mom, next time we go in the skateboard store I will probably be on that tv where they show people doing skateboard tricks. Yea, I bet I will." I tried not to DIE laughing and tried to not let her see me laughing at her. As if someone goes around with a random video camera recording just anyone who rides a skateboard (especially four year old girls on their hands and knees down a slightly inclined driveway) and then streams it into the skateboard shop. SO. FUNNY. Love that girl. She is something else.

I have had this bit of being generally depressed about myself and my body and my baby weight and my inability to get moving early every day nagging me all week. Today it caught up with me a little and I'm determined to kick it tomorrow and have a good week without letting it get the best of me. Maybe just by writing it down I'll feel like I can manage it better. I'm just really struggling with it. So you think I would be eating only fruits and veggies and chicken. But I need to do better and I need to tell myself I can kick this thing! Wish me luck on that one.

Sailing on,
E

Light No. 2

2012-01-15T23:16:00.000-07:00

This week was funny. Well, not really FUN just funny because the pain continued all week. There was something pretty major each day. The car went in for repair 3 times. The furnace, the washer, the garage door. I still managed to only have minor episodes of compeltley freaking out and laugh about it.

I did a better job of smiling this week. I wrote in journals and started working on my art again. This always makes me feel more balanced and happier. {which begs the question why don't I do it consistently when I know that I need it} I made more healthy food choices ( but chocolate is still a good friend). I took photos and cleaned and laughed at how cute my kids are. Really, I think they are exceptionally adorable. Really.

How did I bring more light in my life? Literally, I noticed a beautiful sunrise and sunset this week, and pointed them out to my children to enjoy with me. I talked to them about reflecting that light and I'm pretty sure they listened. I am particularly happy with how we added on to our family mission statment this year and set goals with the children. We have been doing this for a few years so the only part we don't know is the one we added this year. When we began several years ago the children were quite young so we have added on another sentence each year. It is amazing how they all recite it and we can recall it to help us in our family goals. I recite it with the children each morning when we have prayer together. It reads:
We are children of God. We are a loving family. We are happy as we choose the right. We love our Savior, Jesus Christ, and find joy in serving others. We believe in the healing power of the Atonement of Jesus Christ. We aploligize and repent when we do wrong. As we practice patience and kindness, we are becoming an inspired, eternal family.

On a more daily note, I realized that being more organized will allow me to have more room for light and I began what for me is a huge journey toward organizing and minimizing. I plan to continue this throughout the Resolutinary Challenge, which begins tomorrow. I'm looking forward to it!

Sailing on,
E

You have to laugh

2012-01-10T20:00:00.000-07:00

You really do have to laugh about how this week is going so far.
Over the weekend, the furnace wouldn't turn on and it was chilly. Monday morning after returning from a hour + long appointment at the pediatric cardioligist (with the happy news that if Faye does in fact have a heart murmur it is not serious and we will just check back in a month) a hose popped off the washing machine, spraying water all over the laundry room. Monday evening the washer quit working. This morning the garage door wouldn't shut and after I got home from taking the children to school I had a flat tire. Seriously.
I hate to ask this question but really : What next?

The good news:
Faye is fine and for now wont' be having any major medical work. After what we have been through with Clark this is a HUGE, beautiful blessing. The furnace is fixed (and the children helped clean out the vent). I was home when the hose came off in the laundry room so I heard it right away and was able to turn off the washer before we had any flooding throughout the house. The washer is under warranty and we had a serviceman who came out today for no charge and it's all taken care of. While he was here he checked out the dryer too and it turns out the dryer vent going outside is blocked! Good to know. We'll tackle that one tomorrow. The garage door isn't opening not because we need a new opener (which is expensive) but because pesky rodents are chewing on the wires as they are burrowing holes from the outside, trying to get into the garage. I know how to take care of that. We have a full size spare tire which can be on the van until I can get a new one. Whew. It's been a funny few days but really I'm so glad things worked out the way they did. I could have been stranded somewhere with a flat tire with 3 little children; the house could have flooded; the furnace could have cost a small fortune to replace.

It's all good. See, I'm really trying to see the light in all of this! (OF course I'm doing great because it's only the 10th day of the year. ha.)

By the way, did you know that croquet mallets are really something else? They are SNOW PUSHERS. Just wanted to make sure you knew, because it was news to me as well.

A sleveless dress, thin sweater, boots without socks and a sucker in your mouth is the perfect get up for snow, wouldn't you agree?
Sailing on,
E

As it turns out...

2012-01-09T22:14:00.000-07:00

We paid $80 to have a furnace guy come out and let us know that our children had packed the outside vent full of rocks/mud/dirt so the furnace shut itself off so it will not overheat.
AH-HA!
whew. it could have been much worse news and cost much more. I'm still laughing and also wanting to yell at the 'nobody' who participated at the same time. :)

Not 60 minutes after he left a hose came unhooked from the running washing machine, spraying water all over the laundry room and the washer quit working. whAT in the WoRld???

I'm laughing today because if I don't I'll cry. And laughing is so much better, don't you agree?

Next time your furnace won't work make sure your children haven't packed the vent full of mud (why didn't I think of that?).
sailing on,
E

Light No. 1

2012-01-08T22:47:00.000-07:00

“Your task is to conquer yourselves, not ships, lands and castles. This battle is the one in which you especially are to come off conqueror. It is fought every day. In fact, it is a continuing process which commenced a long, long time ago.”
-Neal A. Maxwell

Am I really already one week into the new year?
It was a great week. The children had a good week back to school and tried especially hard to complete their homework at school and quickly at home. That act alone makes the evenings around here a compeltely different experience.

This week I spent a lot of time thinking about my more individual goals. I keep coming back to a few words:
Light, smile, and choose.
Choose to smile and choose to let the light in.

This week I didn't have my goals down specifically enough to report on exactly what happened. I did get back to the gym and go 4 times. Consequently, I was so sore I could hardly make it down the stairs (it seems so wrong that it takes a year to get into shape and only 8 weeks off to lose it all). I spent some wonderful time sitting on the floor playing games with a sweet 3 year old boy (who would have thought that age 3 his favorite game would be UNO?).
I drank more water and probably read too much. (Unbroken, anyone? I can't seem to put it down...)
I kept up on laundry and kept the house resonably picked up.
Most importanlty, I smiled every day a few times and gave more hugs to my children.

I didn't completely go nuts over the fact that the furnace is not working and it's snowing outside. I really really don't enjoy being cold (it sends my back muscles into painful fits!). However, we have managed to laugh about it and are all wearing hoodies around the house. Let's hope tomorrow brings a solution to that!

This week I am going to:
take photos of light and improve photo skills
go to gym
spend individual time with each child
drink more water
have a soft answer.

have a great week!
E

Weekend Fun

2012-01-07T22:12:00.001-07:00

Since I am a rodeo junkie, and because my tactic for 'help me clean the house tonight and we will do something fun tomorrow worked (35%success rate) we went to the National Western Stock Show rodeo as a family today. As stated, I LOVE rodeos. I am a wanna be cowgirl and I still think I should have been born right into a Louis L'Amour novel. Becuase I was not, I fill this void in my life by attending rodeos and wearing cowgirl boots and a hat!
The stock show is fun because you also get to see a lot of other animals and explore educational set-ups for the kids. Other than the part where we got separated and didn't have our phones to find eachother for a while, we had a great time.

I absolutely love how these stairs are painted.

Part way through the day it began to snow and I could not resist the chance to get a photo of us with snow falling around us - for some reason I have always wanted to do this. Even with the freeway in the background and Clark on his way to pick his nose and Emma scowling, I still love it.

I got my boots shined up and the kids got to sit on the most enormous bull I have EVER seen.

True to form, at one point Emma became more of the show than the stock show was. I just know that later in her life this trait of knowing her mind and having incredible will power will be a great blessing. Until then... how to channel this is the right direction?

Sigh. My dream of one day moving out from the city a bit with an old farmhouse to fix up and a lot of land for grandchildren to explore burns on. I can see the barn in my mind, which houses both an amazing art room and a photo room with large windows for natural light (and in the back end a riding lawn mower and woodworking tools of course). Here's to dreams. Someday.

Sailing on,
E

Photo Favorite

2012-01-06T11:23:00.000-07:00

This little lady is looking all of the two months that she is (!!! quickly!) . Oh how we love her.

Happy friday,

Resolutionary Challenge

2012-01-05T22:54:00.001-07:00

This past year I participated in a challenge that, although I didn't do super at, was really good for me and I enjoyed it. It is starting up next week again for this year. Check it out, and if you want to participate jump in! I find the online encouragement and friendship part of it really enjoyable!
Happy Resolutions!
E
Check It out HERE

Flying Lessons

2012-01-01T00:04:00.000-07:00

Here I am, 10:40 pm on the last day of the year. The house is quiet and I have had some time to reflect on the year. I wish I could say that I did some spectaular things with my children this week - that I planned great adventures and that we did service for others; that we created lovely items and visited fun places. In fact, I fell to pieces a bit this week and we spent quite a bit of time at home.

Funny -that sounds a lot like how my goals to fly this year ended up too. In pieces. I'll take it, though. While I would like to stop being 60 percent Emily and start being 100 percent Emily, I still have to take the 60 percent that I do have. It's true, I only reported on a flying lesson for 32 weeks out of the year. It's true that I crashed and burned a lot. It's true that when I look around I see A LOT of things that I need to change, and a lot of things that are in pieces. Some of them I think I may know how to put back together, others I have no idea if they can ever be repaired. I have loved looking at my calendar this past month and I'll show you why. I love this image and this sentiment. I often feel broken and in pieces and I love the idea of turning that around to the image of letting the light in.

Utlimately, to me, that means the light and life and love and joy that is offered to me through my Savior, Jesus Christ. As I have thought about this, I realize that the light comes in so many different ways. This next year I am going to work on letting the light in through the cracks, recognizing it for what it is, and spreading more light around myself.

Photo by Mark Mabry

I'm ashamed to say that my smiling muscles have gone virtually unexercised this year. Yet if you stopped by my house for a quick visit (and I knew you were coming so I could rescue the mess and be presentable!) you would leave thinking I had everything in the world to be smiling about. I had this experience with a friend and family member this past week. I was shocked to learn that we had the appearance of 'a perfect life'. Equally interesting was that I had that very perception of HER as she left - 'a perfect picture!' Good thing we really know each other. This taught me two things - first, that I do indeed have a lot of blessings that are easy to gloss over because they are so much a daily part of my life. Second, appearances are only that - a surface photo that holds volumes within it. So why am I ever comparing my real life with someone else's surface snapshot? That game will never end fair - or happy. I resolve to stop playing that.

Before I get too far ahead of myself with resolutions and commitments, I'm going to spend tomorrow doing more praying and hopefully shedding less tears. This I do know - for 2012 I will be letting more light back in. Yes, I will be posting weekly (!!!) updates here on the blog about what or how the light came into my life in 2012. Having somewhere to report back to is a great thing for me to keep me accountable and moving forward. I confess I also love the writing aspect of it. I wish I wrote beautifully and could call myself a writer, for I truly do enjoy it. The other thing I am going to do is create my own canvas inspired by this Mary Englebreight art and hang it in my home this year as a reminder. I'm going to put my brave face on and work really hard on being who I am supposed to be. And I'm just sure that the Emily I am supposed to be, the 100 percent Emily, is one who smiles a whole lot more and sheds fewer tears. Wish me luck!
Sailing into 2012 with a smile,
E

We just realized...

2011-12-29T09:55:00.000-07:00

that we have one more day of Christmas break than I thought. And we are so happy about it!

Snow fun

2011-12-27T13:01:00.000-07:00

One of the many things I love about living in Colorado is the great variety of weather we get to enjoy. I love all four seasons and winter has its upside too. The snow is so fun for the kids to play in. When my children went sledding at the park down the street ( I love having that in walking distance!) Savanna saw all of that smooth untouched snow and saw an art opportunity. Can you see what she did?

Let me flip the photo for you and you can see this gigantic snowman she stomped into the snow. I love it!

Happy Snowy weather!

Merry Christmas

2011-12-25T11:35:00.001-07:00

It's been quite a week. I won't go over the details. Let's just say that we enjoyed being home from school, and we did not enjoy being violenty ill. We have had a great time getting ready for Christmas and now that they day is here I can honestly say its been wonderful (except for that sickness part).

I had this perfect picture in my mind of how we would all look dressed up for church today. Let's just say that here we are, keeping it real! Yes Emma really went with her hair like that and refused to allow me to touch it. And the pink cowgirl boots don't match the red skirt at all. Ah well.

I loved being at church today and singing songs about my Savior, Jesus Christ. I am so thankful for His humble birth and His never ending mercy. May you all rejoice in this season!
Sailing on to a new year,
E

Gift Tags

2011-12-16T21:29:00.000-07:00

Over at Sisterview, a blog recently created with my sisters and sister in law, we had a Christmas Gift tag challenge. That got me started. I have created a few more since then. Because we do only a few gifts for each child, I have found so much pleasure in making these fancy tags for each package. I think it makes the recipient feel important and I like how it looks under the tree! I enjoy adding a handmade touch. You can make several tags from just a few scraps of paper. I know, easy for me to say, coming from the lady who has WAY TOO MANY pieces of cute paper at her house.

I love having a new baby at this time of year. I have been sitting next to the lighted tree in the evening, holding my new little one, being at peace in that moment. I want to learn how to keep that feeling with me more often. I guess that's why I am a little saddened that the 25th is approaching so rapidly. I won't be ready for it all to be over so quickly. I love this.

Tender

2011-12-13T21:48:00.000-07:00

I am in love with this photo.
Love love love it. I love how much this boy loves his baby sister. I love his big brown eyes and how serious he is about holding her. Just had to share.
E

A word to the wise...

2011-12-11T09:31:00.000-07:00

If you go to see the parade of lights downtown Denver when it is about 20 degrees outside make sure your 9 year old daughter (!!!!) is not wearing thin boots without socks (!!!). Becuase if she is, you may end up sitting in the corner bakery cafe trying to catch a glimpse of the floats out the window while you warm her feet up by putting gloves on them. Just a thought!
E

Flying Lessons

2011-12-09T21:39:00.000-07:00

Lesson 32: People are a gift.
I have had cause recenlty to reflect on a lot of things. Having a new baby and attending a funeral within 3 weeks of each other will do that to you:). I have realized that throughout my life I have been blessed to be surrounded by outstanding people. Honestly, some people only know a small handful of wonderful people their entire life. I have had them in abundance for as long as I can remember now. Sometimes I forget to remember what an important gift this is. Sometimes I wish the gift was prosperity or other things - and then I realize that I am being blessed with exactly what I need. God knows that people is what is best for me. He knows that I love people and I love to be around people who lift me up. My family is a perfect example of this: I am child number four of eight. We are quite a crowd. There are, as of right now, twenty one grandchildren. My parents have sacrificed much and dedicated their life to their family. Is it perfect? No. Is it an amazing, fun, wild, huge gift? YES.

This past week I had another example of this with a dear friend. I opened this package and look what it was.

I am in awe. I love this beautiful quilt and I love the woman who made it. Look at all of those adorable birds and the snuggly black and white polka dot on the back! I think of the time it took to sew and put together and the thought that went into it. I can just feel that love when Faye and I wrap up in it when I am nursing her. It has literally warmed my body and soul. Thank you, dear friend!

There have been times in my life when I have felt like I didn't have time to work on developing relationships - with friends and family. I know that sounds crazy but when I get buried under the weight of life I tend to isolate myself. I am slowly learning that I do much better when I reach out to loving people and friends instead. I am a better person when I watch the examples I have in my life of incredible people and attempt to do what they would do in my situation. I'm so glad I have such great people in my life. If you are reading this I'm sure that means you. Thank you! What precious gifts I am blessed with!
E

3 weeks

2011-12-05T00:26:00.001-07:00

Wow. 3 weeks. I have not accomplished much. Christmas decorations and boxes litter the floor and the house. The tree is up but not completely decorated. I have stacks of clothes all over my room - trying to figure out what might fit (!!!) and put the maternity clothes away.
Thanksgiving was simply wonderful. I had such a great time with the family that we were able to be with and I feel very blessed. Thanks to my Mother and Sister I didn't do any of the kitchen work yet was able to enjoy an amazing meal with my family. THANK YOU!

I am loving this baby girl and have been overwhelmed by the gifts, service, and help I have received from family and friends (more to come on that with photos!)
My camera is back and this brings me so much happiness!

I just completed a Christmas gift project that I have been wanting to do that is important to me. I hope those I am giving them to enjoy them as much as I hope.

I am determined to get back in a groove this week... wish me luck!

Flying Lessons

2011-11-28T22:14:00.000-07:00

Lesson 31:
Life is fragile. Life is Precious. Life is unpredictable. Life is beautiful.
A wonderful woman whom I love and admire was killed in a car accident last night. She has had a great influence on my life for 15+ years. This has given me pause. I am blessed in my life to know many great women (many of whom I am releated to) and to have them influence my life for good. If you will excuse me now I need to get to work on being more like them and less like my grouchy old self.
Sailing on,
E

Baby

2011-11-13T22:18:00.001-07:00

Growing up

2011-11-06T19:55:00.000-07:00

With her birthday quickly approaching, I have been reflecting on the growing up of my oldest child. I wouldn't say she has been an easy child; yet she is awesome. She is smart and creative. She is a great student. We have our fair share of power struggles and sassy backtalk; all the while she is quite helpful and takes upon herself the job of looking out for her younger siblings. I am so thankful she has yet to be caught up in being overly worried about her appearance and clothing and all of that. I know it will come at some point; but I'm glad it hasn't yet. I think she's beautiful.

Being the oldest child is tricky; I've realized I send her mixed messages all of the time. Some of the time I'm telling her to enjoy being a kid and not to worry so much and over-anayze. Then other times I ask for her help and expect quite a bit from her as she IS the oldest. It takes a special personality to be the oldest child and I'm sure she will be ok in spite of my trial by error learning mothering experience. She is excited to be turning 11 this month and I am excited for her. She is a great kid!

photo

2011-11-05T20:49:00.000-06:00

Today I had the chance to take some photos of these adorable children. In the 45 minutes that we were taking pictures we went from wind, snow, rain and back to wind and rain again. They were troopers! I have a friend to thank for allowing me to borrow her camera, as my repair says it will be 12 days before I get it back! (that sounds like an eternity to me!)

If you need family photos give me a call!
E

Snow Day

2011-11-03T12:00:00.001-06:00

Yesterday was a snow day.

It was a huge relief to me in so many ways. Madeline was supposed to be on her way to the mountains for Outdoor Ed for 2 days and 2 nights. I wasn't very excited about the prospect of her having a two hour bus ride in a blizzard or being stuck far away from me. The trip is pushed back to next week and I'm relieved.
It was wonderful to sleep in until 7 and have hot cocoa and breakfast cake and not leave the house. The day was a perfect mixture of productivity, play, and rest. I worked to finish up some projects I have had going on for way too long. I did laundry (which is a constant). I cleaned a bit. I dressed kids to go out in the snow (which takes longer than they play outside sometimes.) Funny how that works. We made pumpkin cookies. We watched a movie. The kids played in the snow for most of the day. Sometimes it surprises me how long Christian and Savanna will stay out there. I'm glad they can enjoy it so much and use their imagination to build all kinds of piles of snow which serve different purposes. Apparently this particular pile is for rolling off of.

I have great memories of playing in the snow as a child and it makes me happy to see my children doing the same.
Now I need to adjust my thinking to get back on track for the remainder of the week!

Halloween 2011

2011-11-02T22:25:00.000-06:00

I am one of those mothers who doesn't love Halloween. How awful, I know. I don't decorate for it and I find the whole thing a bit tiresome and wasteful. What to do with that obscene amount of candy?
I require my children to come up with costumes from what I have, or something we can make. In years past we have been creative and had some really fun things. This year we went with easy. Madeline wore her stop sign that I made a few years ago (huge score for me!), Emma was a ballerina and everyone else was a cowboy or cowgirl. The weather was beautiful and this is the first time my children have really gotten into trick or treating around the neighborhood. I am not kidding when I say I think each of their bags weighed 15 - 20 pounds.

Thankfully, the Halloween Fairy came last night and traded their candy for books and stickers. Several of the children informed me today that next year they will not be participating with the Halloween Fairy but will be hiding their stash from her instead. Hmmmm, we will have to see about that.
It was a fun day. I'm glad it's over. I'm looking forward to children who are not on a constant sugar high.
E

Flying Lessons

2011-10-31T22:57:00.000-06:00

Lesson 30:
Sometimes you just have to do what you just have to do.
For me this is way too big of a deal. I packed up my camera today to send in for repairs. OH! Can I live without my camera? I don't know.... it's going to be a test. But I figured I better get it fixed and back in time for some family photo shoots and so I can have great pictures of the new baby.
Seriously, though. I find myself telling my children this and it is an important lesson. You just have to take care of things when they need taking care of. I know from experience that when you let them go on for too long past the point of needing attention I wish I would have addressed them earlier. I'm still learning this.
We do have a little digital point and shoot camera around.... how spoiled and sassy am I that it seems an insult to me to try to capture a Halloween photo of my children with that little thing? I know... poor me.
Here is the beginning of some very sad, photo - free blog posts.
E

Photo Favorite: Cowboy UP

2011-10-29T19:43:00.000-06:00

I love my cowboys. I love that these costumes have been used multiple times. The vest and chaps Christian has on were worn by my brothers when we were his age. Real leather, authentic cowboy style. Excuse me for thinking they are the best looking cowboys the world has ever seen.

Telephone

2011-10-28T08:12:00.000-06:00

I thought these were small yellow squash but apparently I was mistaken!

I find this especially funny because children of this generation have never acutally seen a telephone shaped this way. Everything they have ever seen has been in the shape of a straight rectangular cell phone type. That just goes to show you that children know everything really!

Flying Lessons

2011-10-26T11:10:00.000-06:00

Lesson 29:
Taking a break is a really good thing.

Fall Break was this past week for us. We had a wonderful time. We didn't do anything spectacular - no big trip out of town or a visit to the zoo. We went to two really fun parks near by that we have not played at for a long time and ate lunch there with friends. The children all played for several hours and had a great time. Christian has become quite the snake finder and even found a little snake to play with at one park. I love how he shared his find with his little brother.

We slept in every morning (7am! and even 8 one day!) We had waffles for breakfast and ate lunch outside. The weather was AMAZING - between 65 and 80 degrees every day. We raked leaves and made leaf crafts. Madeline made me this awesome garland for the mantel.

I let go of expectations and didn't mention schoolwork once. We had a movie night and stayed up late eating popcorn. Kurt took the the children one night to the local stadium to watch a huge marching band competition. We did a little cleaning and re-organizing of bedrooms and did art in the basement. We learned how to make yo-yo's and created huge bubbles in the front yard and painted the sidewalk with soapy water. We picked more veggies from the garden (at the end of October in Colorado - I still can't get over this!).

It was a great week. After sending the big kids back to school monday morning (on time and ready to go!) I felt ready to tackle all that needs to happen in the next three weeks before baby girl is born. I can't wait to show you how my HUGE kitchen project is turning out (because that will mean that I am finally FINISHED with it).

Sometimes it doesn't seem logical to take a break and I often feel like I CAN'T because there is always so much to be done. Yet it is necessary, rejuvinating. Not too much of a break; I can't just let things go completely - but all work and no play makes for an unhappy Mom and stressed out home. So take a break when you need it - then get back at it!
E

All Dressed Up

2011-10-23T23:09:00.000-06:00

We dress up for church every sunday. Today was special because my two oldest girls were wearing new fancy outfits which came from a delightful shopping trip with Grandma yesterday. They both got up and were ready for church right away today because they were so excited to wear their new clothes; especially the shoes. Sometimes when I don't slow down and look deep into their faces for a while I forget how much they are growing up. Fourth and Fifth grade this year is a lot of work and they both shoulder a lot of responsibility. I'm so proud of them for being great kids and for striving to be kind and helpful individuals. When emotions are running high and sleep is low and they don't want to be helpful it is easy for me to forget about the other 90% of the time when they ARE something to brag about. They are helpful and creative; kind and capable. And LOVELY in their new outfits!

Of course the first thing Christian picked up upon getting out of the car after church is a football.

This photo is so funny to me. Clark was standing there waiting to take a photo with Emma next to him, which never happened because this is all she ever did. Silly girl.

Now I must remind myself that it is the latter part of October while I mentally prepare for the snow coming this week and sadly wave goodbye to the beautiful sunshiny, warm days we have had.

I'll survive; but maybe just barely.

It's been such a fabulous fall I'm having a hard time letting it go.

Sailing on anyway...

Football and a toothless grin

2011-10-21T17:31:00.000-06:00

There has been a lot of teeth coming out at our house this past week. Both Madeline and Christian have lost 2 teeth. Madeline's are farther back and not very noticable. For Christian, you can't miss it !

This saturday is the ending of a first for him and very fun football season. It has been so fun to have his Uncle as one of the coaches and his cousins on the team to play with. There is definitely a new passion brewing here. I'm not sure if the mom is ready for this!

Sailing into winter...

Flying Lessons

2011-10-20T09:46:00.000-06:00

Lesson 28: Compassion

Life is an interesting thing. The more I experience and the more I learn the more I find myself being ruled by compassion. I hate to admit it, but in the past I often sat in judgement of others. I always knew what they should be doing with their circumstances and what the answer was {of course I did; because I didn't live their life!} It has taken some serious circumstances in my own life for me to learn that there is no perfect answer for everyone; there is no perfect life; there are many complex circumstances. The best thing I can do is to not focus on WHAT someone should or should not be doing in a particular circumstance but rather HOW I can help them, encourage them and help them find their own strength to choose what path they are taking next. I can let them know that I am sorry for the situation they are in; I'm sorry they are in pain. I can help them to feel strong and loved and encouraged.
Truly, how can I know what someone is really going through when I am not the one going through it? And how much does everyone else really know about the details of YOUR life? Have you even been the one being judged? Have you ever been the one who had people telling you what you should do and how to do it and trying to make your choices for you? Was that helpful? I know that for me I have found that people who honestly care about me and my happiness do NOT tell me WHAT to do; rather they tell me HOW to be strong, remind me who I am; help me find answers from God that are catered just FOR ME, and ask how they can help me in my journey. The more compassion I have in my heart, the less judgement I have in my mind. Does that mean that I stand in tolerance when principles that I believe are fundamentally wrong are being attacked? No. Does that mean that I apoligize for the fact that I believe in God and that I belong to a church that I absolutely believe is true? No. It does mean that I believe that people need encouragement and smiles; love and compassion. Am I good at this all the time? NO - I wish I was. I want to do more of it. I stand for what I believe is right and good and true. I stand with compassion and with the hope that I can help others {and myself} find our own strength through the Lord to follow the path that is uniquely ours to live.
All I can say is that I'm so glad I've changed. I'm never going back.
E

I'm so Proud

2011-10-12T20:29:00.000-06:00

This girl has never done anything like this before. She made up her mind to join the cross country team this year (5th grade) and went for it. I am so proud of her for showing up, trying even when she needed to stop and walk, and finishing. She has been running about 9 miles a week. I think that is fantastic for a 10 year old. She feels so strong and good and she should! It has been fun to see her gain endurance and confidence. Exercise does a body good. Yea for you, Madeline!

Atta Girl!
E

Flying Lessons

2011-10-11T14:04:00.000-06:00

Lesson 27: It is ok to have help. I am still ok if I need help.
I am a pretty independant, do it yourself person. As far as my parents have said, that started at a young age and came with my personality. I like feeling like I can do things on my own and I feel strong when I can complete a project or event or anything without help. Having said that; I also get tired. I get tired of always having do it on my own. I know; I'm such a contradiction. I like to do it and feel strong yet I realize I'm not always strong and when I'm not I like help. The problem comes when I realize I need help much later than I actually do, and in the interim I isolate myself and that never goes well.

I have had a lot of times in my life recently, and in the past several years, where there is no way I can make it through without help. And I'm not just talking about the help that comes from God, divine strength which is always what ultimately keeps me moving. I'm talking about people who are the literal angels in my life on a regular basis. I've been blessed to be part of a really great family with a lot of members and incredible heritage and an amazing network of caring friends. I have been the recipiant of so many generous acts and prayers and emotional support and temporal support and 'help' of every kind you can imagine. I hope in the future to be on the giving end rather than this one. I have had times when it has made me REALLY uncomfortable and feel bad about myself for needing or accepting the help. And then I've realized how I feel when I get to help someone else in that way. And I realized what a blessing it is TO ME when I get to be the giver. In the end, when we need help and caring people come to offer that help, we both receive blessings.

I don't think that God ever intended for us to go through this life doing everything alone; that is why he left us with his Holy Spirit. Even God was not ok with leaving us alone and comfortless. So why do we beat ourselves up over it when we DO need the help? I am done doing that. I am so grateful to the many people who help me in all aspects of my life and I can say it now: Sometimes I need help. And I am still good enough and capable enough and just ENOUGH when I need help.

How to frost a cookie

2011-10-08T21:47:00.000-06:00

One two and half year old and one four year old will now teach you.

Step 1:
Have your mom make cream cheese frosting and make sure you squeeze in A LOT of bright food coloring.

Step 2. Frost cookies liberally by spreading frosting out with a knife, your hands, or whatever it takes. Squeeze entire contents of icing bag onto 3 cookies.

Step 3. Dump on as many sprinkles as you possibly can, so that you can not see any of the frosting underneath.

TA-DA!!! You did it! Now run and play.

Birthday Boy

2011-10-05T16:02:00.002-06:00

I love this boy. It has been such a nice weekend celebrating his birthday. It is also fun that his birthday falls on General Conference weekend. I love that. We had a great friend party saturday after his football game, then a fabulous dinner at a friend's home. A good friend of mine had recently done a 'minute to win it' party for her daughter and offered me some of her games to use, which I did. The boys loved it - especially the game where you get vaseline on your nose and move cotton balls by sticking them to your nose. It was SO funny. The games were great and I owe Brandi big time for having the party ready-made for me!

Sunday we got to spend the day with Grandma and Grandpa where the celebration continued. This boy is spolied I tell you!

Favorites at age 7:
sport: football
color: blue (BYU blue)
food: mashed potatoes
book: Mighty Machines
toys: Legos and Playmobiles
activity: Throwing, batting, or kicking a ball outside
movie: Popular Mechanics for Kids

He is sadly becoming my most picky eater. He loves to wear shorts and has become one of those funny people who will wear shorts all year round, silly boy. He loves to wear his cowboy gear and go 'exploring' in the nearby field. He loves to catch snakes and toads and grashoppers. He loves mud and dirt and sports and being loud. I love him.

Flying Lessons

2011-10-04T13:22:00.000-06:00

Lesson 26: Happiness and pain seem to always present themselves simultaneously.

It should be against the rules of life for Moms to get sick.Seriously. I usually get sick after the kids get it - right? That way you can take care of the kids and then slowly work through it yourself afterwards. Not this time. We have all been wiped out, laying on the couch together, watching movies and eating soup. There was a lot of moaning and crying too. Just when I thought we had worked our way through that virus the stomach flu arrives. Ugh. This too shall pass, and its all fine, but I really think that it should not be allowed for Moms to get sick. there is just too much to do! There have been so many painful and hard things in life in the past several years, months and weeks. At the same time there have been things that I love and that are little miracles and blessings. My challenge remains balancing the two and choosing to not stay stuck on the pain. I constantly struggle with this. There are parts of my life that I absolutely LOVE and parts of my life that wrap me in pain and darkness. I feel stuck in between the two. I realize I have much to be thankful for. I also sometimes find myself wondering HOW it is exactly in many other areas of my life that "life is to be enjoyed, not just endured." Maybe I'm the only one who does this, but it's a tough one for me. Maybe its especially obvious with my 32 week pregnant emotions, I'm not sure. I just know that I do find joy in many things in my life; there are many things I want to change and there are yet others I feel bound to live with yet do not enjoy at all. I'm hoping that sometime before my life is finished I will know how to fly above all of it.
E

Matching!

2011-09-30T15:11:00.000-06:00

Poor Christian, he had a little incident with a big wood post on the way into the wedding last saturday in Utah. He ended up with one very sore, swollen eye and 3 stitches. Oh well, at least now the eyebrows match on both sides with scars in the same place!
I'm looking for positives here. ..
E

Flying Lessons

2011-09-27T21:44:00.001-06:00

Lesson 26:
Take care of your body & soul.

This past weekend was a lot of fun. There was A LOT of driving, playing, talking, visiting with family, picture taking and so on. There wasn't much sleep or rest or taking care of my body. I am now paying the price and that is ok, because it was a special event and I wouldn't have missed it. I don't regret it at all.

Seriously, though, I keep re-learning this lesson. I feel so much better and happier when I am taking care of myself. Taking care of yourself can mean so many different things - for me it looks like this:
exercise, eat fruits and veggies and minimize sugar, do something creative, take photos, shower and get dressed and dry my hair and do my makeup (even if I'm not going anywhere - it just feels better), cook healthy dinners, read good books, hug my kids a lot, stay connected with great people, play around in the garden and flower beds, water plants, listen to good music, go to sleep at a reasonable hour at night, write in my journal, paint with bright colors, refinish an old piece of furniture, read books with my children, have a lemonade from Chick-fil-A, go on walks, pick flowers for a vase, pray, watch something inspiring, eat a little ice cream, snuggle children, drink a lot of water.

Now, do I do all of those things every single day? Of course not (good thing I don't live close to a Chick-fil-a). I am in that never-ending struggle that we all have of finding balance. What I have learned is that by IDENTIFYING the things that contribute to my happiness and making time for them makes me a much better person. And taking care of myself goes beyond exercise and food - because my soul is part of me and it gets fed in different ways. I just need to remember what they are, and make sure taking care of my soul is just as important as exercise and healthy eating. Sometimes I make sacrifices for certain things or deadlines or events, and that's ok with me. But overall, I MUST remember this: take care of your body and soul Emily!!!

Photo Favorite

2011-09-22T16:02:00.002-06:00

We have had this tricycle for a long time. Yet this is the first child I have had who can pedal it strong enough to get around and really enjoy it. He makes me smile, riding around on 'his bike'.

Flying Lessons

2011-09-18T20:53:00.000-06:00

Lesson 25: Keep Going, and write it down.

Sometimes so much happens in a week that I forget it has only been 7 days that have passed. Thank you for all of your thoughts and prayers; Christian's ear surgery went well and he is up and going again! We are so happy he can hear now and I'm sure his school teachers will appreciate that as well. Madeline (after having a virus at the beginning of the week and missing a day of school) competed and finished with her personal best in her second cross country meet. Savanna had a great week of school and has all of her work turned in (this is a really big deal!) Emma was her delightful, energetic, mess-making creative self and kept me on my toes. Clark is now officially an underwear boy - NO MORE DIAPERS! For another 10 weeks that is. I am thrilled with him - I have never had a child toilet train so quickly AND stay dry at night all at once.

We went to the farm and picked 30 bags of onions, carrots, potatoes, beets, cabbage, pumpkins, kolrabi, and corn. I've been blanching and freezing and canning like wild! So far I have 30 jars of salsa, 14 jars of jalapeno jelly, and a freezer full of corn and carrots. My tomato plants at home are still producing wildly and that makes me so happy! Before we head out of town this coming week for my brother's wedding I need to get the rest of this food put away for the winter. I always think of that childrens book Blueberries for Sal when I am preserving food. Lucky for us, we have not had any wildlife encounters on our food picking journey (although the tractor driver did leave me and Kurt in the middle of the fields with my children on the wagon yelling to stop; he was a real champ. He wanted to get back to eat his lunch.)

The boys went on the fathers and son's campout trip with our church group and the girls went to Sees Candies together to pick out our favorite chocolate. We also watched Soul Surfer together; what a great example of bravely and strength Bethany Hamilton is. My girls loved it.

Today is my mother's birthday and we had the chance to have my parents over for dinner and apple pie. The children spent the afternoon creating cards and papers with many items glued on and colored. They aren't anything spectacular to look at but as you watch the cards being worked on throughout the day you can see how much they love their Grandma.

When I write down or remember through photographs the many things we do each week or month or season or year sometimes it helps me to not feel like such a non-productive, trashed mom who always needs to be doing more, and doing it better. If I just keep going, and stop to remember some good points along the way I realize, hey, I'm ok. I think that God is glad I am doing my best to raise a family and enjoy art and my creativity. So this week I will do exactly what I did last week - keep going, and write it down - the good, the bad and the ugly! OH, and I'm going to smile more this week too!

E

Re-balancing

2011-09-15T10:41:00.000-06:00

I am making an attempt to put my world back together. Again.
I've been in a dark place. Again. I've isolated myself; it hasn't been pretty and I need to re-group. I have been thinking a lot about what got me there again. The summer was such a high for me. I felt like I owned our time and I went to Brave Girl Camp and I wrote out what I wanted from life and I was on TRACK! Little by little, I stopped doing the things I needed to be doing to take care of myself. I stopped doing my art (there just isn't time), my prayers were routine, I wasn't going to the gym enough times each week (there isn't enough time) , I wasn't sitting down for 15 minutes each day to breathe deep and focus (there just isn't time), I wasn't drinking enough water (too much running around), I wasn't journaling (I'm too tired at night), I was just skimming over my scriptures and not really learning anything, I was reading too much (of a book that wasn't uplifting me), I wasn't working on a project or trying to finish anything or setting any new goals. For me, not wanting to complete a project or start a new one is a sure sign that I am not myself. I let stress and no money and school schedules overcome me and beat me down. Basically, I let everything slip. Including my happiness, my patience, my self-respect, my body, myself. I know this sounds dramatic; and for me, it has been. I also know its pretty stupid because I KNOW BETTER than to let myself do this.

Two things happened within 48 hours that woke me up to where I was at. Again. First, a woman pulled over on the road where I was waiting in the carpool line to pick up my kids from school and screamed at me about how she didn't like our carpool line and that I shouldn't sit exactly where I was. I yelled back at her. Then I rolled up my window and asked myself what just happened. Normally, I would have just smiled and said, 'have a nice day'. But I actually engaged myself in this ridiculous scene. I was embarassed. The following night my two year old was upset with me for not giving him something he wanted right before dinner and so he went over and pulled my camera down off the counter and broke it. I yelled at him. I made him feel really sad and he immediately started crying and broke down. I was embarassed. He's two and really, how old am I? And who's fault is it that the camera was not put away in the case so that it was there for him to see? Mine. Double strike out.
Since that evening, I've been having all sorts of conversations with myself. None of which have revealed anything very pretty. I have come to realize that I know what I need to do to stay in a good place. I MUST MAKE THE TIME for these things. The consequences are bad when I don't. The consequences are good when I do. Basically, I've been off balance. I have had too much of some things and not enough or none of others. I've been spread too thin in all the wrong places; this dillutes me and my happiness and I don't want that anymore.
It sounds so dumb, but I just need to make myself do the things I need to do. And then I need to TRACK MY PROGRESS. When I stop recording my results I FORGET that I really do need to do these things. I need to remember my path and stay true to it.

I need to drink water. I need to pray. I need to exercise. I need to create and paint and do things that bring me happiness. I need patience and understanding and I only have that when I am taking advantage of what I know from the teachings of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. I need to snuggle and read with my kids. I need to be outdoors. I need to remember my goals and what type of life I really want to lead. I need to walk into the light and out of the darkness of exhaustion, stress, pain, guilt, and anger. I need to remember my goals and that I wanted to learn to fly and that starting over again is ok. I am re-committing today to starting over again, even though I messed up. Even though my weeks are off and I've missed some and I have to re-focus. Time to get back in some sort of balance.
Time to sail the ship on the right course again,
E

We Made it

2011-08-30T06:50:00.000-06:00

We did it! School started and we made it through the first week. We are tired! That first week back is a major adjustment - it is a long day at school and a lot of driving around for the mom.

This past week I picked about 40 tomatoes from my garden, as well as onions and squash. Making salsa at home from my own garden makes me happy!

Now we are immersed in homework, after school activities, and in general keeping our head above water. Survival!

Here we go...

2011-08-21T21:47:00.000-06:00

The backpacks are set out, kids are scrubbed clean and in bed awaiting the first day of school tomorrow. I wish I had another month with them at home but I get the feeling they are sick of me! :)
I think it's going to be a great school year for each of them and I'm happy about that. I'm a little tired already thinking about the homework and driving.

Last night we watched a photo slideshow of all the things we have done from the last day of school in May until yesterday when we attended the neighborhood park party. We have done A LOT of fun things. Nothing spectacular, nothing far from home, just a lot of good old fashioned fun. Guess what? They are totally happy with that - nothing fancy, just spending good time together and enjoying childhood.
Now it's early mornings and packing lunches again. Ah, well. Here we go again...
E

I'll tell you ...

2011-08-18T14:41:00.001-06:00

We are about to head off to the pool, tomorrow is the last day of summer school break. I DO NOT want this to end. It has been a fun summer. Messy, muddy, tiring, hot, loud - yes. But wonderful all the same. And now its back to the school routine and the homework, packing lunches, football and soccer practice, piano, volunteering at the school, field trips, permission slips, driving in the car A LOT. And people ask me 'really, you DON't want your kids back in school, what's wrong with you?"
I'll TELL you. When everyone is in school I feel like I have to hold the world up on someone else's schedule.

When I am at home, its OUR Timing that matters. And I like that.

Just like that globe says,
I'd rather be sailing...
E

I'm a little silly....

2011-08-15T23:13:00.001-06:00

I know I'm silly about photos, yet I still can't stop myself from taking SOOO many. I took 10GB worth of photos this past week on our trip to Newport Beach, CA. I love it. I am one of those silly ladies who loves to just sit at the computer and scroll through photos of people I love. I don't think I will ever be sorry to have so many photos of my children and of the things we did. They just make me happy!

Flying Lessons

2011-08-15T22:22:00.000-06:00

Lesson 23: Not having money is really difficult, stressful and not fun.

Lesson 24: Not having any hope, happiness, or love in your life is much, much worse. It is unbearable. Given the choice between the two, I would go without money. Trust me on this, I've done it. I've been in places where I don't even believe in the possibility of my life ever being happy or fun or wonderful. I've lived in that dark place for years. Money - money is money and there are a lot of different ways to get by. I know because I do it. Hope, happiness, love -- those are not so easy to come by and when you have them you have to hang on for life.
E

Fishing is fun?

2011-07-31T21:07:00.000-06:00

I have to admit, my sterotypical idea of fishing has been sitting for hours and hours with nothing to do but watch the water drift past. I haven't done much fishing in my life and haven't been more than a few times with Kurt since we have been married.

I don't know if I'm just becoming more at peace with sitting in a beautiful place and getting quiet, or that everything is more fun to me because I can watch how much my children are enjoying it, or that this fishing is just so good and the fish bite so quickly and the scenery is so beautiful that I'm ok with it. Whatever the reason, all I know is that as a family we spent the day yesterday at a newly discovered lake about an hour and a half away and loved every single minute of it. Everyone caught at least one fish (several were too small to keep and a few got away as we were trying to grab them), and everyone had a chance to do what to them was what they wanted to do most (for Clark this included sitting by the side of the river for 45 mintues and throwing rocks in. My job was to keep the rock pile supplied well with large rocks.)

It was officially a wonderful day!

Kurt and I both found it funny that Emma caught the two largest trout, especially since she didn't want to be in a photo with one or hold it. Chrisitan was aching to catch a big one but his got away at the last moment when Kurt was trying to grab his line. I suppose we will need to return soon and do more fun family fishing!

Flying Lessons

2011-07-31T13:06:00.000-06:00

Lesson 22:
Use a soft voice.
I find it amazing how the way that I say what I say has a massive impact on how it is received. I've been watching my tone of voice and the volume of it pretty closely and found a couple of things:
1. I'm a naturally loud person.
2. When I make sure to soften my voice it softens my edges a bit and helps the entire situation.
3. It is easier to convey love with a soft voice than a loud one.

I want to show more love. I also want to be firm when necessary and to teach when it is a teaching moment. I do all of these things with a soft voice. I feel better, they feel better, and we all feel love.
Why does it take me so long to learn these lessons?
E

Flying Lessons

2011-07-28T21:25:00.001-06:00

Lesson 21:
I make the Rules
This is a lesson that I had to re-learn at Brave Girl Camp. I went through the early part of my life with a set of rules that I had created for myself. I knew where I wanted to go to college, what friends I wanted, what situations I was and was not willing to be in, who I would date, and so on. In order to achieve these things I had RULES for myself that I followed. And then I got married and had a family and I've just been so busy with LIFE that I haven't stopped to set out my new rules. Some rules I believe are set by GOD and those rules never change. Other rules I have set for myself and they are a result of defining what I want my life to be - how I want my time spent and by what rules will I decide how I spend my time, who I spend it with, and how happy I am.

I have NEW rules. I made these rules to help me stay focused on what really matters in my life. There are a lot of people who expect a lot of things from me; some of them have a right to expect from me and they should (like my children) others expect things from me which I am not in a position to deliver, or I don't want to meet their expectations because that is not who I am. There is a great sense of freedom that comes with having rules - now when something comes where I have a choice to make I know what questions to ask myself to help me arrive at the decision that is right FOR ME.

Have you seen that movie Secretariat? I love that movie. I especially love the part where Penny Tweedy is at a press conference and they ask her if she feels stressed by the pressure put on her to guarantee wins and she says something like "It's just like every other million dollar decision us housewives make every day." I like that because it really is true. However small some choices may be in my home each day, the results down the road for my family are HUGE. The choice might be do I committ more time to the pta or do I spend more time one on one with the kids? This is a million dollar decision. No, I don't have to worry about guarantees I've made for Triple Crown winners, yet in my home happiness for our family and our life is infinitely more important than the triple crown. I'm so happy to be re-focused on what matters most to me. Happiness matters, memories matter, doing what is morally RIGHT matters. Raising a family matters.
E

Back and better than Ever

2011-07-27T08:11:00.002-06:00

Well what was to be a one week excursion to Brave Girl Camp turned into a two week stay, including bringing my Madeline and Savanna up to Idaho to join me for the mother daughter brave girl camp. It was wonderful. I am so blessed and I am so filled up. I have much to share; my favorite being a few of these photos. Happy day!
E

Going Unplugged

2011-07-09T22:51:00.002-06:00

Tomorrow morning I am going out of town. All alone. I'm stressed about everything being ok at home and excited and worried and everything else. Last summer I attended Brave Girl Camp. It changed my life. This year I have the opportunity to go back as staff and watch more lives change as I continue to work on myself.

I will be unplugged all week - no internet, no email, no phone. I thought about scheduling some posts but I want to be truly 'gone' this week. I'm closing for a week for improvements. Have a great week and I will be back energized and ready to be a better me.
Sailing on,
E

Good times

2011-07-07T08:44:00.001-06:00

We had such a wonderful 4th of July weekend.

The fun was never ending and the bedtime was late so it still feels like we are trying to catch up on our sleep! It was delightful to have one of my brothers with his wife and daughter in town from Mississippi. He showed us a new backyard game 'cornhole' which we loved and played for hours. We partied at my parent's pool to live music and free popsicles (after a while I lost count on how many my children ate in place of lunch). We watched two great firwork displays, attending our church breakfast and bicycle parade, the children all had a pony ride, grandpa and grandma passed out fantastic glow sticks, we barbecued delicious food and had an all around wonderful time together.

These are great memories I will not soon forget, thanks everyone!

Flying Lessons

2011-07-06T15:04:00.000-06:00

Lesson 20:
Time is my most precious commodity.

I continue to learn this lesson again and again. Which begs the question, 'how well am I LEARNING it?' There are so many ways I can spend my time. There is so much to do - even so many GOOD things to fill my day with. There are also things that are major time wasters that I have taken out of my life. It may sound funny but here are a few things I've done:

-Removed any game (especially fruit ninja) from my phone
-Stay away from facebook and limit my time on the computer in general -- checking my email only 3 times a day max (even though I can check email on my phone I only do it at home).
- Don't watch TV. We haven't had cable in 11 years and I don't remotely care or miss all of the tv series and shows that have come and gone in that time. That isn't to say that I don't enjoy a movie every week or two when we have our late night dates at home after the kids are asleep.
- Make lists about what I need to do in specifics: ie - when on the computer go here and order this and go here and post on my blog and then check email. This keeps my from aimlessly browsing the internet and missing out on all the fun things my children are doing in the backyard while I'm at the computer.

I feel like I have a long way to go. I'm not even mentioning reading because I LOVE to read and I think it keeps my mind sharp and teaches me new things all the time. That could also just be my excuses for spending time on reading. I do feel that I choose books that are clever and uplifting, historical books that teach me, books on gardening and money -- but again, I love me a good novel as well. I find that if I keep a book in my van and a book in my house that its amazing how many little pieces of 5 or 10 minutes I can steal away from what would otherwise be sitting time (waiting in line somewhere, waiting at the doctor office, waiting in line to pick up my kids from school, holding a sleeping little one on my lap...)

I'm still a great time waster - I know I waste plenty of time on garage sales and junking. When I'm out at a store by myself, I wander the isles just enjoying being in a store alone. I waste time looking around at Goodwill, hoping to find a treasure. I know I have a million more ways to improve, little steps at a time.

What I do like is that I feel emotionally present in the moment. I'm sad to say this has not always been the case. In years past as soon as I got the kids in the car to go somewhere I knew they were safely restrained in the back seat - I would give them something to play with and then get on the phone doing business calls. I had a few expereinces that made me realize that even by NOT listening to my children while driving in the car, I was missing out. I was not present and there with them in the moment. I was distracted and irriatated if they became uphappy. I'm trying so much harder these days to answer YES more often; yes I can come pitch to you, yes I will go outside and help you ride your bicycle, yes lets go down in the basement and do art together, yes I'll read you a story, yes I would love to play cars with you, yes I'll help you set up your playmobiles, yes lets make cookies together. I'm not telling anyone that tv or games are bad - I just know that for me, when I say yes to spending more time with my children, to listening to them (even if the conversation does not include me), yes to being totally mentally and emotionally present when they are talking to me - it makes us all happier. It makes them feel important and know that I care. And I DO care. About all of it.
Sailing on,
E

I love this boy

2011-07-03T22:27:00.000-06:00

For so many reasons; one of them being he is just completely adorable to look at and watch run. Love him.

This past week has been monumental for him. He moved into a big boy bed AND had his binkie taken away. Ouch. We have had some brutal nights and wailing for the binkie. I know I've already allowed him to have it for too long but give me a break, every time I was considering taking it away he was back in the hospital and it was the one thing that he always wanted to comfort him. So I gave in. Not anymore. We have been pacifier free for one week now; as well as going to sleep like a champ in his big bed. I think he actually gets out of bed less than when he was jumping out of his crib constantly. Out of all of my children, he is the most sensitive to anything that is loud. Watching some fireworks the other night he really enjoyed the show -- but wouldn't take his hands off his ears. He does the same thing when Emma cries and tantrums (not that I blame him, I'd like to do the same thing and if you ask me she is way louder than a firework display).

I think his blonde hair and deep brown eyes are an absolute stunning combination and I'm getting used to the scars he has as well. His voice is so sweet it's ridiculous what he can get away with asking for. He melts my heart. He can climb ANYTHING and is capable of opening any lock and any door or window. He never tires of Lightning McQueen or Kung Fu Panda. He does get tired of the constant asthma and coughing yet he is a sweet as can be about doing his nebulizer treatments every night. Don't you wish you had one just like him? Sorry, he's mine! :)

4th of July Weekend

2011-07-02T21:45:00.000-06:00

I have to say I love having the 4th be a monday, it allows us to celebrate all weekend long.
We kicked off the celebrations at our house this week by painting or traditional flag on the driveway. Call us a bit bold, but we love it!

I hope you are doing something fun to celebrate,
E

A little announcement...

2011-07-01T06:56:00.001-06:00

Flying Lessons

2011-06-27T16:33:00.000-06:00

Lesson 19:

Be Still.

I have been working on this a lot and today so far I haven't done a great job. I've had to stop myself, ask myself what in the world am I doing, and try again. When I am still, I listen and I mean really listen to everything I need to hear. Sometimes I need to hear the sounds of my children playing happily to remember that they do, in fact, play happily for some time of the day. Other times I need to still myself to hear my heart crying out for what I need to do, or improve, or work through.
For me part of being still is not over-reacting when I find activities like this taking place when I was just 10 stepss away, folding laundry or sneaking down to the basement to paint the background of a cavas that is calling to me.

It is not my nature to be 'low in sound, hushed or subdued'. Every morning when I wake up I promise myself I will be more still, more LOW in sound. I do ok for an hour and then it's over again. I know I'm loud, just know that I am really trying not to be. My voice is loud and my personality is loud -- it is the way I came -- but I also believe that learning to be more still I can refine myself to be a better person.

This week we had some nice evenings of calming down and enjoying summer and the beautiful place that we live in. Frequently after dinner I am just so wiped out that all I have on my mind is getting onto bedtime and finishing up the kitchen and laundry so I can lay down and read and go to bed myself. Yet that isn't always what is best for my family. The other night after dinner I had the children put their pajamas on and we went to play at the park for an hour before bedtime. I read a little bit as I sat there but mostly I was listening; listening to them create a world of their own to play in as they turned the park into their own land. Reading a good book is a great way to be still - even if you can even snatch 10 mintues a day you hold still long enough to read and it feels so good.

I wish I could say that our week was free from disturbance, agitation or commotion but that is SO far from the truth! Christian is home from the hospital and that is wonderful. While the stitches stay in for another week and he still can't swim or run (good thing we signed up for baseball this season:) his foot is looking wonderful and he is happily outfitted with new shoes that he can wear for the summer.

The flowers and growing and the garden is amazing me - I love having salads from our garden. I only wish we had more time to put more boxes in so that we could have so many more items planted. The morning job duties for the children are slightly sinking in and we have success here and there - I'll take it. The weather is lovely and the grass is green. I believe the Lord is watchful of us and knows what we need -- I know he will help us after all we can do.
His words in holy writ are sufficient: Be still, and know that I am God.
Sailing on,
E

Photo Favorite

2011-06-23T08:21:00.000-06:00

What's not to love about the beach?

Lamp Makeover

2011-06-22T15:00:00.003-06:00

I posted this on the blog I do with my sisters but I wanted to link to it here in case anyone wants to check it out. If you need to do some updating or re-puposing on items you have turn to paint! It saves the day!

E

Lamp Makeover Post

Flying Lessons

2011-06-21T15:00:00.003-06:00

Lesson 18:

Look for Blessings.

I have tried to tell myself a lot lately = you find what you are looking for. I feel like we have an awful lot of things in our life right now that I would count as the opposite of blessings; more like mountains that seem to never end and that I'm not making any progress in climbing. At this moment I sit at the hospital with Christian, watching the antibiotics run through his IV and anxiously waiting for that infection to disappear. We will be spending another night here tonight.

Yet I do have blessings to count; and when I look for them I find them all around me. Seeing my blessings and recognizing them allows me to feel God's love and see His hand helping me; even as I stumble up this mountain; I can still be thankful. Is it my nature to arrive at this attitude by default? No, I have to tell myself; to will myself to do it. Each time I do I find it easier the next time. Each time I do I find I am happier; in some small way I am becoming more of who I am supposed to be.

Just try it; look for the blessings.
Sailing on,
E

A word to the wise...

2011-06-19T15:37:00.000-06:00

Try to avoid
a) running through the garage in wet, bare feet
b) having said bare foot make contact with long garden spade and enter foot
c) having said injury become infected.

It's been a rough few days for Chrisitan. At first I just thought we had another stitches job and that was easy. The raging infection that followed and made his entire foot huge, burning hot, and very sore I wasn't prepared for. We are hoping that the strong antibiotic shots he had yesterday keep the infection under control while the slower-acting long medicine does its work. He has been very brave and sweet but I did think it was a TINY bit dramatic when he asked the nurses if they could just put him to sleep to do the stitches and could we get him a wheelchair?
The biggest bummer of it all: No activity or swimming pool for a week. Ouch.

Flying Lessons

2011-06-14T11:55:00.000-06:00

Lesson 17:
Listen to your heart. It IS the right voice.

My family spent the last 5 days traveling to and from California, attending my Grandfather's funeral, being together, and celebrating the gift of the beach which he gave to all of us. My first reaction about attending the funeral was 'I don't know how we can afford to go. It's far and maybe I will just go'. Family members made generous offers to help us get there and we all decided to drive all night. My heart said we needed to go; that I needed to be there for ME and for Grandpa. I'm so glad we did. It was a heartwarming weekend. Memories were recounted; family relationships were strengthened and ALL of Grandpa's Grandchildren and all but 3 ( I believe) of his great-grandchildren were there. I don't think there will be a time in our lives that we will all be together again. It was the trip of a lifetime; memories that me and my children will always hold close. Thank you again, Grandpa for who you are all you taught us and gave to us. I'm so glad we went.

Sailing on with his memory,
E

Visit

2011-06-11T09:06:00.000-06:00

Having people we love visit us is one of the best treats in the world!

It was so fun for the cousins to camp out and to spend time with my sister in law. It was a bonus that the kids found 3 more toads, and could play with them all the while.

We had to keep reminding them to not bring them into the house and show their mom while she was still asleep! (that really did happen). We had a great visit from Aunt Sue, went the pool and had a fun lunch together before they set out on their journey to North Carolina. Thanks so much for coming to see us, we love you!

After cousins left, my kids were wiped out from all that fun. Emma couldn't even make it up the stairs to her bed.

Sailing on,
E

Rodeo fun

2011-06-09T08:59:00.000-06:00

We love the rodeo.

It makes us all smile, cheer, and get some sun. Chrisitan and Savanna both had their chance at Muttin' Bustin' this time around and Christian took first place with Savanna following closely behind for second. They both got big ribbons and are not "officially" ranked in as Muttin Busters in a PRCA rodeo (isn't that funny?) Christian was extra lucky to wear a pink helmet but it was ok because they were doing a 'real cowboys wear pink' day. ha!

Clark was funny before the parade began he found some sand in the gutter and was playing in it - that boy misses his sandbox!

After the parade there was this huge bouncy slide for the kids - they LOVED it. They started to run and jump from the top and then go on their tummy. It was hilarous to watch them!

Clark loves to wear his Daddy's hat. It fits perfectly too.

Happy Day,
E

Flying Lessons

2011-06-07T22:48:00.002-06:00

Flying Lesson 15:
Watch yourself.

For verily, verily I say unto you, he that hath the spirit of^acontention is not of me, but is of the ^bdevil, who is the father of contention, and he stirreth up the hearts of men to contend with anger, one with another.

I read this scripture to my children a lot this week. Then I noticed that I need to read it to myself. When I feel like I'm up for a fight I need to stop and ask myself if I am listening to the right voice! Likely not.

Flying Lesson 16:
Loss Hurts.

My Grandpa passed away on Sunday. He lived a long and wonderful life and his body was used up. He wanted to go. Yet knowing all of those things doesn't make it not hurt. He is still my Grandpa and my Mom's Father. Losing him HURTS. I am so happy and comforted to know that I will see him again; that he is at this very moment happily re-united with his own family members who passed before him. Yet it still hurts. Having our hearts ache must be good for us; it leads us to ask for help again from our Savior. We all need help.
sailing on,
E

Yee-Haw Cowgirl!

2011-06-03T21:15:00.000-06:00

What a party we had! For this party (of course) I didn't get a chance to do everything I wanted to; and you know what - it still worked out great. It wasn't fancy and it wasn't pricey, those were my two criteria. Savanna chose the rest so naturally it was a cowgirl party!

We decorated some vests made out of brown paper sacks for each girl. They got a bandana and then we ate dinner of sloppy joes, watermellon, chips and rootbeer. Did I mention nothing fancy? The funniest part was watching 9 9 year old girls eat an entire bag of salt and vinegar chips rapidly. They couldn't get enough of them. Then the girls dropped cowboys and indians into a jar to see who got the most (Savvie, amazingly with her left hand, was the champ). Then we played pin the heart on the cowgirl (sav's silhouette with her boots and hat on). My favorite event (and the girls as well) was the chicken chase and goat petting!

We have some friends who allowed me to borrow two of their many hens. When I went to pick them up he said 'oh you should take the goat too, they will love it!' ok. Well I was in a van with 5 children and 2 chickens already -- no problem he says, the goat will just stand in between the seats. Ok, I'm game.
On the way home I confess looking in the rearview mirror and seeing 5 children, 2 chickens and a goat as you pass by the target sign makes you slightly question your state of mind. Crazy or not, the kids loved it, the birthday girl was happy and it was all worth it in the end.

I remember why I only do friend birthday parties every few years - it's just a lot of effort. Fun, and well worth the craziness, but lots of work!
Because I LoVe this face

I love that she is her own person and doesn't worry about what her peers will think; I hope that lasts forever. I love her freckles. I love her playfulness (a blessing and a curse). I just love her. And I'm so happy she shares my love of rodeos, boots, mud, hats and snowcones. That's my girl.
Can't wait for the rodeo tomorrow,
E

Toad

2011-06-02T17:03:00.001-06:00

This is the type of pet I can get used to. Kurt found this little toad in our sprinkler box in the front yard. I love the habitat already = lives outdoors, feeds itself, no cage cleaning involved. It was a fun play item for two days, but that is as long as it lasted. 'Someone' let it out to hop in the grass after that (no body we know, I'm sure). That was great while it lasted!
E

Birthday Girl

2011-06-01T12:15:00.001-06:00

We had such a fun weekend celebrating Savvie's birthday; (aside from her massive bike wreck, that is another story.) She started out the morning with breakfast in bed, followed by opening gifts and having a ride on her new fancy bike with gears and hand breaks. She went to the store with me and picked out a special treat, then we made her cake and got to spend the rest of the evening with Grandma and Grandpa, Great Grandpa and her cousins and aunts and uncles who were in town from Utah for the weekend. We wish ALL of our counsins and family could have been here and we had a blast with everyone who was! I'm glad we had extra people to help eat the massive cake.

Age 9 Favorites:
food: avocado
Color: turquoise
Movie: Ramona & Beezus
Book: Call of the Wild
Song: Our Song by Taylor Swift
Indoor activity: art
outdoor activity: jumping on trampoline
subject in school: science
place to go: the pool
gifts received: clothing, bicycle, scripture case, ring, 3d chalk, music cd

The 'friends' party is this friday so I have more photos of that -- wish me luck!
E

Ahhhh Summertime!

2011-05-27T08:20:00.000-06:00

School is out for SUMMER!
Can you tell it was abuse the dress code day?

And the mom couldn't be more relieved.

The kids look pretty happy about it too!

Happy summer days,
E

Flying Lessons

2011-05-23T20:52:00.000-06:00

Lesson 14:
When Life feels really extra hard; it's most likely because I am doing something wrong.

which is probably why I have been assigned to talk in church about how the gospel of Jesus Christ brings Rest Unto our Souls.

Sometimes I do a good job of being Brave; facing life's challenges with a smile and putting all my faith and trust in Jesus Christ. Other times I forget that I get to have this choice every day and I get stuck in dark and dreary places; I forget that HIS promise is :

Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.

Is there any one of us who is not heavy laden?
Why did I forget again?
digging out,
E

Photo Favorite

2011-05-21T21:28:00.002-06:00

Who knew that cleaning out the paint gun could be so fun?
E

Tough {teeth} luck!

2011-05-20T10:09:00.001-06:00

Savvie has been telling me for a few nights now that her jaw has been hurting. Like the good mother that I am, (ha ha ha) I have been telling her to take an ibuprofen and go to bed, or get a drink, or try not to grind her teeth at night. When I picked her up from school yesterday afternoon one side of her face was swollen to a gigantic, abnormal size and I asked her what she was sucking on.
"Um, nothing Mom, my jaw just hurts!"
Yikes. Ok, sorry I haven't been listening (but seriously, someone ALWAYS has something that hurts, sometimes you don't know what is legit). I immediately called the dentist who worked her in last night. She had a large abcess tooth pulled and a spacer put in. What a { NOT } fun night { again } for Savanna.
She seems to have bad teeth luck. Actually, it's a fact.

This morning when she told me it hurt too much to go to school I listened! :)
Then she remembered that her dad was signed up to go on a field trip with her to Wings over the Rockies so she got up and got ready to go with him to that! I guess it doesn't hurt bad enough to miss that, although she still has chipmonk cheeks. Poor Girl!
Sailing on,
E

Making progress

2011-05-18T17:05:00.001-06:00

As I have mentioned before, this yard has a lot of rock. I'm not a huge fan of rock - I know there is all that harra harra for zeroscaping but I just can't live that way. Not to mention that weeds LOVE the rock. This front yard strip started out like this:

These are the only plants in the yard. 9 of them. I'm ok with salvia; but I tend to like a more wild look mixed together as well. Moving all the rock isn't much fun; so I have moved rock; planted some things - section by section to keep myself motivated. Whatever works, right?
I think we're making progress; don't you? It's hard to tell what is happening because I planted a lot of things from seed (so much less expensive and I had saved seeds from previous years!) delphenium, lavender, helibore, lupine, rosemary, candytuft, snapdragons, flowering sweet pea, sedum, thyme, peony all coming up from seed, also Montana wildflowers from my brother in law's wedding last year! Also a friend allowed me to help her divide her iris and now I have some of her lovelies in my yard too! Next year I will have much more happening, I hope!

Happy last 5 days of school left! (to me! :)
E

Flying Lessons

2011-05-16T21:59:00.000-06:00

Lesson 13:

Grab a good book.
It's amazing how much my children (and I) look forward to reading together. I admit, sometimes I feel lazy and just want to turn on a movie for them to watch. However, since we don't have cable or a very large collection of dvd's, there isn't much to see. Most days and nights I spend time reading with them, and we both love this time.

I have recently been reading some young adult/juvenile chapter books to preview them for my children. There are a few of them I am head over heels for; one being

Each little Bird that Sings.

I admit reading this book makes me want to have a daugher and name her Comfort. Seriously. I have enjoyed her as a character almost as much as I loved Clementine!

This book is one that Clark asks for multiple times a day. My other children have loved it at this stage as well, and I really enjoy reading it.

try it, I promise you will never be sad when you curl up with people you love, and a good book!

ps. In this photo I AM holding my phone; but I promise we were reading scriptures on it! :)

Shining stars

2011-05-14T18:02:00.000-06:00

This week we had Savanna's recorder performance at the school the same night as the art show. Madeline was sad that we could never find where in the school her piece was pinned up - I guess it got mixed up with another class; but hey, if she wasn't sad about that she would have just found something else to be upset about!

The recorder performance was really fun, when that many students are playing together it sounds spectacular!

Madeline had her chance to shine today during her piano recital. She did a wonderful job before we had to rush out early to make it to soccer.

It's cold and raining again. More snow coming tonight. I've given up hope on a lot of things, and spring is one of them.
E

Seriously.

2011-05-12T06:15:00.000-06:00

It's been snowing for more than 24 hours now. Can I tell you how NOT bright and cheery that feels? What ever happened to the old "It's safe to plant after Mother's Day" rule?

And if you think Clark looks bad, well, he does. (Yes, he does have chocolate popsicle all over his face and yes I did put him down for a nap without even wiping it off. I'm an awesome mom.) Emma's head,which made a rather full-on connection with his cheek, is just fine.

As fas as I'm concerned that's 2 strikes for the week. If it continues to snow all day today, that will be the third strike. I'd like to say I'm out of here, however, where am I going to go? I wish.

Sailing on to find spring,
E

Flying Lessons

2011-05-09T15:29:00.000-06:00

Lesson 12:
Family is really what it's all about.

I've been watching my parents take care of my aged Grandfather. It's tough, tender, hard work. It's an emotional rollercoaster. It's what you know you would do for your parents even though you don't want to think about that day coming.

I had two of my brothers in town this weekend to visit Grandpa and celebrate Mother's Day. It was a great time for us to get together and enjoy the beauitful day that it was. I watched my brothers play in the sandbox with my sons; building a dirt track that I'm sure my sons will talk about for years. I listened as my parents asked questions about what is going on with my children at school, soccer, piano, and with their friends. They love feeling important like that. I have watched my brothers sit with my Grandpa and talk with him and show him love. I watched my mom, yet again, spend her time working away to provide a beautiful meal for all of us. I watched my dad serve my mom and help around the house and with Grandpa so much it's hard to describe. I watched my daughter jump on the trampoline while my mom watched her and told her what a great job she was doing. Its was a truly wonderful night. A night where you want it to continue because you are enjoying being together SO MUCH and you realize that it doesn't happen ENOUGH and that THIS is what REALLY matters.

Happy Mother's Day - Free download

2011-05-07T06:45:00.001-06:00

This morning is looking sunny and the weather reports 79 degrees. I'll take that as a mother's day gift.
I hope yours is just as sunny and packed with wonderful things.

I've been blessed with a most outstanding and amazing Mother. I've watcher her for years give of herself to raise eight children, and now to take care of her father and love 19, soon to be 20 grandchildren with the help of my Father. Happy Day Mom, I love you!

E

Elephant download

Flying Lesson 10 and 11

2011-05-06T11:05:00.001-06:00

Lesson 10: Life is Hard
Lesson 11: And sometimes you really don't like it.

The end.
That's not to say I don't have blessings, and that all is lost. You know what I mean, though, sometimes I 'm just so tired of it being hard SO MUCH of the time!
E

Dining Room

2011-05-01T21:34:00.000-06:00

Well this past week has flown by and crawled by at a snail's pace at the same time. When the nurse is coming in to wake Clark up right after he just finally fell asleep its been slow going. As far as making any progress in any other areas of my life its lightning speed passing by with no improvement.

How is it that I can be gone for 32 hours and I feel a week behind? The house is a wreck and I walk in the kitchen and look around and think to myself, do I really live here? Did I really think it was ok to walk out the door when my kitchen looks like this? Ok, not that I was out shopping or something but seriously. I'm not talking dishes. I'm talking school papers all over the place, a huge stack of library books, way too many glass 'things' of some sort because I love them - what is wrong with me?

So in all that time sitting with Clark at the hospital with him telling me 'Open your eyes Mom, no sleeping', I have been have a huge internal debate about what should be the color of my dining room. I know, I am so awesome at meditation and reflecting on infinitely important matters. I thought about other things too, but as far as in the project category the dining room is bugging me. I have tried 4 or 5 colors on the wall already that I thought I would love but they are not speaking to me. Then I saw this photo. I would swap out the table for a huge, long, whitewashed wood farm table, and on that beautiful white ceiling I would want white wood texturing, but those are the ONLY two things I would change. Ahh. Too bad my dining room does not have a wood floor I can paint like this and too bad I don't have those huge ceilings or doors even for that matter :) Ok, I'll keep dreaming, but in the mean time, what color should it be???? White looks beautiful but how bad will all the food marks and fingerprints bother me?

Clark has been a trooper - all the doctors and nurses are amazed at how he holds still and doesn't complain and takes his medicine and lets them poke him and bother him - unless they bother to read his chart or notice that it's about 8 inches thick; at which point they realize he is a seasoned pro at age 2.5 and has been through more procedures and hospital visits and stitches than most people see in a lifetime. Right now he is most upset about the restricted 'soft food' diet (can you blame him?). Yogurt and Smoothies are great, unless those are your only options. So far Jello and applesauce have been flat out refused. Ice cream seems to be ok most of the time, although again I think the fun is gone. He is such a sweet boy and from time to time lifts up his shirt to show me his stomach and says 'Mom, look what happened to me.'
Oh, I know buddy, I know. And I am SO. Sorry.
E

Can the boy catch a break?

2011-04-26T13:22:00.001-06:00

Oh Clark. I'm so so so sorry for this boy.
Keep us in your prayers as he goes back into surgery on thursday morning.

He has a Hiatal Hernia again. This is very uncommon in a child Clark's age and in fact there has never been in the history of Clark's surgeon (who pioneered the lapriscopic nissen fundoplication) a patient who re-occured three times. How lucky Clark is! Maybe we should play the lottery...

We love this boy so much and are so sad to know what he will be going through again. On the bright side, this should allow him to begin to breathe normally again, not vomit his food randomly, and be a happy growing boy.
we love you Clarkie!

Happy Easter

2011-04-24T21:35:00.001-06:00

It's Easter Sunday and I know I should feel full of hope, renewed and joyful.

I have to confess that while I do feel those emotions generally for my Savior and for Easter, on a more personal and specific level I find myself weary, aching and wondering. Perhaps that is how the man felt who came to Christ and asked for his son to be healed. The Savior asked if he believed, and he answered, 'Yea, I believe; help thou my unbelief'. I feel like I understand that answer. I believe, Jesus Christ, I believe in you, I believe you are the son of God and that you can heal me. I believe that you are my Savior and I believe that you have restored your church on the earth in modern times through Joseph Smith and that we are led by a prophet who communes with thee. I believe in Holy Scripture and in miracles. At the same time, I feel so broken and I wonder, how is it done? Is it real? Help me understand so I can be who I need to be.

I feel a bit like I am stuck in what Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin has called 'the Dark Friday of the Crucifixion'. He says:
"I think of how dark that Friday was when Christ was lifted up on the cross. On that terrible Friday the earth shook and grew dark. Frightful storms lashed at the earth.

Those evil men who sought His life rejoiced. Now that Jesus was no more, surely those who followed Him would disperse. On that day those men stood triumphant.

On that day the veil of the temple was rent in twain.

Mary Magdalene and Mary, the mother of Jesus, were both overcome with grief and despair. The superb man they had loved and honored hung lifeless upon the cross.

On that Friday the Apostles were devastated. Jesus, their Savior—the man who had walked on water and raised the dead—was Himself at the mercy of wicked men. They watched helplessly as He was overcome by His enemies.

On that Friday the Savior of mankind was humiliated and bruised, abused and reviled. It was a Friday filled with devastating, consuming sorrow that gnawed at the souls of those who loved and honored the Son of God.

I think that of all the days since the beginning of this world’s history, that Friday was the darkest.

But the doom of that day did not endure.

The despair did not linger because on Sunday, the resurrected Lord burst the bonds of death. He ascended from the grave and appeared gloriously triumphant as the Savior of all mankind.

And in an instant the eyes that had been filled with ever-flowing tears dried. The lips that had whispered prayers of distress and grief now filled the air with wondrous praise, for Jesus the Christ, the Son of the living God, stood before them as the firstfruits of the Resurrection, the proof that death is merely the beginning of a new and wondrous existence.

Each of us will have our own Fridays—those days when the universe itself seems shattered and the shards of our world lie littered about us in pieces. We all will experience those broken times when it seems we can never be put together again. We will all have our Fridays.

But I testify to you in the name of the One who conquered death—Sunday will come. In the darkness of our sorrow, Sunday will come.

No matter our desperation, no matter our grief, in this life or the next, Sunday will come."

I believe that Sunday WILL come, I do. I feel deeply rooted in my faith and in the doctrine of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. I also feel like I am living in a dark friday, and sometimes I wonder how all the pieces will be put together again. And not just for me; for all the suffering in the world, for all those who are so sadly mistreated and denied priveledges. I do belive that in the end it will all be RIGHT. I confess, I just don't understand HOW it will be right or WHEN or what am I going to do to wade through the pieces that are still lying around broken. I do know that writing it out helps me and then I can break it down and work through it more effectively. So forgive me my confessions, I'm sailing on to see when my Sunday will come.

Happy Easter, with all my heart,

Moved by perfect love

2011-04-23T15:53:00.000-06:00

As we approach Easter Sunday, I am overcome with emotion and moved by the perfect love of this young man. Watch the video, I promise it's worth your time.

What a wonderful example of what the Savior WOULD do. I want to raise my children to be that kind of person. I better get to work on myself.
Happy Easter.
E

photo favorite

2011-04-22T06:54:00.000-06:00

Could this boy get any cuter? I have to give this photo credit to Madeline, I was inside cooking dinner.

have a great weekend,
E

Vintage Easter - free download

2011-04-20T09:03:00.002-06:00

I love vintage images. I can't help but share at least one with you all! Don't you love how the roosters are driving and handing out the eggs? It makes me chuckle.
Also for a great free download head over to my sisters site and Rejoice in Christ!

Here is the link to download this image:

Easter Vintage - Truck

Flying: Lesson 9

2011-04-18T21:26:00.001-06:00

Take time.

Life with a family is hectic. It's anything but slow moving and restful. It is jam packed with fun, excitement, emotions, sports, performances, arguing, quiet play time, imagination, school, homework, bicycles, reading logs, trampoline jumping, messes, growing, laundry, dirt digging, changes and a lot of broken things along the way. It is in fact sometimes so hectic that I have to remind myself to take the time to enjoy what we are rapidly sprinting through. Taking time is rarely convenient yet always rewarding.

Today I took some time with the kids home from school and we walked to the park to fly the kite, colored chalk and painted water on the driveway, made sugar cookies and played the wii. I don't particularly enjoy playing the wii, I would rather watch the kids play (ok unless it is Tetris). Yet THEY love it when I play with THEM. They love knowing that rather than watching from the kitchen while I start the dishwasher again, I'm stitting right there, elbow to elbow, hanging out with them. It's amazing.

Speaking of taking time, I took some time today to observe how grown up Madeline is. Wow. I feel really old and tired now.

sailing on,
E

Enough rock already!!!

2011-04-17T16:07:00.000-06:00

I really really love spring. Even more than that, I love growing gardens and lovely flowers. I have to admit that as I recently drove past our previous home and saw all of the peonys, black eyed susans, lemon thyme, delphenium, and daisy's coming up tears came to my eyes. Not to mention the asparagus, rasberries, huckleberry and blackberries in the back yard. I fully intended to bring those peonys with me, after all I brought them there from our old place - I felt like they were mine since I discovered them only after ripping out huge fitzer bushes. Yet the circumstances and rapidity of our move didn't allow me to. I'm so sad. Not only for the cost that it will take to replace everything but because I feel like they are mine and belong with me. Oh well, boo hoo. The most sad part is that at the new house all that is here is a really unhealthy lawn and rock. Rock and rock and more rock. If I see any more rock I am going to cry! Anybody want some rock? Come and get it!
Do you have any idea how much work it is to move rock? Well its not going nearly as fast as I had planned and its heavy and hurts your back! One side of the backyard looks like this:

I envision this space becoming something more like this:

ok, I know minus the lake in the background and all that extra fancy stuff. I mean the garden part of it. I have decided to committ to raised beds and I'm excited to see how I can maximize my square footage and learn more about what I can grow that my family eats. I love walking out to the garden to make a salad.

I'm happy that our seeds are now seedlings. I always enjoy growing from seed, I love that I am getting pure, heirloom varieties and in most cases have seeded my own plants from years past and have no additional cost in the seeds.

I'm also happy that the large and hairy wolf spiders we came across during our rock work were already dried up and dead. The kids still wanted to keep them in a jar. I suppose there is SOMETHING fascinating about them being so large. Or creepy, if that's not your sort of thing.

I'm happy that I have some really great helpers as well. It's a huge plus that they are cute too.

Let's hope for an energy filled, getting ready for Easter, rock disposing of, productive week!
sailing on in search of less rocks and more beauty,
E

3D temple Art

2011-04-12T14:20:00.000-06:00

This was created by Savanna during General Conference. Savanna creates such fun artwork so frequently that I often find myself taking it for granted. As I was trying to decide when the appropriate time had passed that I could toss this particular one, I began thinking how truly amazing she is. (I know that makes me sound so mean but how much paper can I keep? I scan most items though.) She thought up this idea all on her own, completed it and figured out how to make it all work out without a single question. She truly is a creative brain!

There are so many things I love about her and yet so many things about her where I think 'Oh that is SOOO much like me, don't be like me, be better than me!' She is an amazing artist. She is impossible to get out of bed in the morning. If I place her feet on the ground and make sure she is up before I go to another room, she gets in a bed in a different room. It makes me a little crazy. Her freckles melt my heart. She has a fashion style that is truly her own. She will spend hours setting up outfits and always makes sure that she has matching accessories, down to hair clips, scarves, jackets and purses. She is an incredibly hard worker and is usually the last one helping Dad at the end of a family work project. She is a fast runner and a great bike rider. On family bikerides she goes up the steepest paths, down through the dirt, and still beats us home. She is very helpful in the kitchen. She has been known on many occasions to sneak craft supplies under her covers so she can work on art after I think she has gone to bed. (which only adds to the problem of waking up in the morning!) She is fun and happy. She is the last one in the car 95% of the time. We sure love her.

Flying: Lesson 8

2011-04-11T09:17:00.001-06:00

Smile.

It doesn't seem like a big deal yet it can change everything - your tone of voice, reaction, the way you feel, anything I tell you! I have been experiementing with smiling more, especially while I am talking to my children. I can tell this is working because it is driving a few of them crazy! :) (Mom why are trying to be all happy all the time!??) I have been reading the Happiness Project and it has given me some great things to think about. I want to be a more happy person, yet I enjoy being real with people at the same time. I think the solution is this: Smile more and ENJOY life more, notice your blessings more and complain less.

I'm not going to pretend like this past week was my favorite one. The day after Clark's stitches came out the cut re-opened, two days later he cut open the inside of his lip again. We are still praying for more work to arrive here in Colorado (in the form of hail, please). I keep telling myself that Heavenly Father would not have placed us here in this home after that terribly long hard road getting here if He didn't have a plan to help us have it all be ok. I've had kids in breakdowns still sad about moving and still torn back and forth about whethere or not they want to switch schools. They don't have any friends near us at all and its difficult to know what families might match up well with our own. Yet, we had a lot of things to smile about. My children did a fantastic job of completing their homework each night, we got a great start on the garden spot in the backyard, I found another really amazing ancient video camero for my camera collection, we laughed and tickled together, unpacked more boxes, got the basement a bit more straightened up, stopped for frozen yogurt 3 times (confession!). Has that craze hit your city yet? I remember it being here when I was about 9 as well and then it faded away. It's back and its fun! Almost as fun as a two year old discovering that oreo cookies cover his eyes quite well!

I had a conversation with one of my brothers this past week who recently lost a very dear friend unexpectedly. That is exactly what he said - something like - 'I don't understand all the whys of this but in the end you have to go home and move forward, have faith, be grateful you are alive and have blessings, smile more and complain less'.

I believe it. As hard as it can be sometimes, it makes a huge difference for me to just SMILE. When I smile its easier for me to remember too that again, The Lord's hand is there. It's lifting, giving energy and gently pushing. It's always there.

Sailing on,

Moments of awesomeness (no extra charge)

2011-04-10T12:38:00.000-06:00

Have you ever had a four year old crawl into YOUR bed shortly before six am, insist on snuggling up to your face and touching you, smile at you, and say "Mom, can you not breathe on me? Your mouth doesn't smell too good."
How can you not smile and kiss her on the head? It's just so funny. As if I forced her to come to my bed and put her cheek on my face!

Yesterday as we ran around between soccer and working on a garden spot in the backyard, dad working and stopping for a frozen yogurt treat, I sat at this little round table eating frozen yogurt with my five children piled all around me thinking, This really is fun. It's awesome. It's unforgettable. Being a mother is great, hard, tiring, awesome work.

Today Sacrament meeting was unforgettable for reasons which are neither awesome nor fun.
E

Ribbon Curtain DIY tutorial

2011-04-08T10:08:00.001-06:00

This girl's bedroom is in desperate need of some color. I haven't painted the walls yet so adding this fun and easy curtain was a great start!
I love this ribbon from May Arts. I love the width of this ribbon - it makes such a lovely statement when it is 2 and 3 inches wide, don't you think? And I love how the ric rac is so wavy and feminine.
Here is how I did it:
I started out with some white muslin I have had in my stash for a long time. Because I like to cut corners where I can, I used the width of the fabric so I didn't have to finish the side edges. I tore the fabric to my desired length. Then I proceeded to tear 3/4" strips of fabric to add some ruffles later. I tore 12 of these, as I needed 6 total so I added two together for the length I needed to ruffle with. Then I tore 4 strips about 1.5" wide for my bottom ruffles on each panel.

For the top opening which will slide onto the curtain rod I simply folded over the edge, tucked in the top again (so a small double fold as shown) and stitched straight across.

So here are my panels. Believe it or not I did iron this before I started. The fabric is thin and I pre-washed it a long time ago so it remained somewhat wrinkled which didn't bother me at all. (Can you tell I am NOT a perfectionist?)

Now to the fun part. I began pinning lenths of ribbon on each panel. My four year old helped me on the other side and we laid them as straight as possible and she told me what order she liked them in. I recommend using A lot of pins!

now that we had this laid out I began stitching each length of ribbon down.

I used white thread throughout and found that I like the contrasting stitches on each ribbon. Don't you love this huge ric rac and that black and white diamond print?

After I had the ribbon on I decided I wanted ruffled edges. To achieve this look I widened my stitch as far as it would go and loosened up my tension. Then I stitched down the center all the way down the length of each stip of cloth (remember I sewed two together earlier to make them long enough to get a good ruffle).

After that, you simple pull gently on the bottom thread of each strip to gather the fabric, slowly working the ruffle all the way down the length. Then pin it on each side and stitch down. I like how the ruffle added across the top covers the beginning of the ribbons so you don't see the original stitching lines where I attached them.

Ta-DA!
I love how they turned out! Better yet, Emma loves them and its her room so THAT is a victory. I love how the black ribbon accents her black furniture and the walls will soon be a shade of pink!

What do you think?
Ribbon is awesome! You can do anything quickly and easily.
I think I need more ribbon to add a pillow to her bed...

off to clean up....
E

Pretty Packages

2011-04-05T13:29:00.000-06:00

Following my sister's lead, I took a few minutes to make a pretty package for a friend to drop off on her birthday. It's very small, nothing fancy, just a few handmade cards inside. Yet delivering it made me and my children feel so happy - we got to see a friend who isn't so close by anymore and let her know how much we love her.

I was fortunate to grab some of these empty flower seed envelopes recently at the warehouse closing sale of Rocky Mountain Seed Co

(92 years in business, how sad! People buy those cheap factory produced seeds at walmart now and they just couldn't keep up!) What I really wanted was one of those gigantic wall units made up of wooden drawers that was 100 years old - a seed cataloging wall unit - but at $2k they were just a bit out of my price range. So I eneded up with a box of seed envelopes and other fun treasures. It was a fun warehouse to dig through!
I added a home made card to the top and tied it up with ribbon. I know that I like to feel important and remembered and I'm so happy that for this day I did the remembering.

Thanks, Jennifer for reminding me to take a few minutes to wrap up something pretty!
E

Flying: Lesson 7

2011-04-05T11:49:00.001-06:00

Unlearning.
This week I un-learned everything I am trying to learn. I was grouchy, cranky, bothersome and not patient. Unlearning should be illegal. Then general conference weekend came and I listened to all the things I've been taught before and haven't been doing very well. That night I cried, went to bed and now I'm at it again; trying to REMEMBER and do what I know. Back to the truth, do what matters.

this matters.

sailing on,
E

Spoke too soon

2011-04-02T17:30:00.002-06:00

I was just telling a friend this afternnoon that it has been about 5 days since Clark has had a cough, we are doing so great, it feels good to know we are all getting healthy again. Why did I speak those words out loud? Not two hours later I was standing about 2 feet away when this sweet boy decided to slide off the pole of the trampoline like sliding down a fire pole. (Just as I said, hey buddy, can I help you down?) The only problem is that screw that holds the pole up connected quite well with the outside of his lip while his teeth did a great job of slicing through the inside of his lip. And you know what? He is asleep on my bed, coughing!

The thing I hate the most about stitches or any hurt in my children is that - and I'm not kidding here - I can FEEL the hurt. I can feel this twinge when I look at those stitches and I know for 2 seconds how much it is hurting him all the time. I feel so sad for him to have more hurts. It is so frustrating as a mother being SO CLOSE when things like this happen - I wonder - why didn't I protect him? Why didn't I see that was going to happen? I love this little boy so much. I love that two days ago I was following him around watching him walk with his hands clasped behind his back. I love how he carries cars and trucks around and how he loves he Momma. I love it when he is healthy. It's bad when you don't even want to finish off your chocolate ice cream. Poor, poor baby.
It is saturday now and this boy is just as sweet as ever. He was such a good sport attending soccer and trying to eat a few bites of food here and there. Oh I love him.

photo favorite

2011-04-01T11:11:00.001-06:00

Out on a family walk - this expression was captured as she realized that she had left the house without a headband and her hair was in her face! I love it.

Happy Friday,

Flying: Lesson 6

2011-03-28T19:28:00.000-06:00

Quitting is not allowed.

I have had to tell myself this many times this past week. It's a good thing to tell yourself when you really would rather give up in many areas. I have to remind myself that I just have to keep trying - don't give up on keeping the house clean (impossible goal), getting in better shape, learning more, and being a better mother. If I just don't quit that has to count for something. There are many things in my life that I have quit on and I wish I would have stuck it out. Here's to sticking it out!

ps. aren't these cards from a vintage memory game amazing?

Cave of the Winds

2011-03-27T21:50:00.001-06:00

Cave of the Winds is in Colorado Springs, about an hour drive from us. This was a really fun spring break outing. If you are ever in the area, I recommend it. It is a good hike/walk about half mile through the caves; at one point I believe you are about 7600 ft elevation. Theses caves were originally discovered by two ten year old boys. Can you imagine being ten and crawling into a cave where you could see million year old stalactites hanging from the ceiling?

As part of the original tours, visitors were allowed to reach up and break one off to take home as a suvenior. Things have changed just a bit, as this one spot of the rock is the only place you are allowed to touch on your way out.

While waiting for our tour, we had the chance to do some panning for precious stones and enjoy the view. It was cold and windy so we were happy to get inside the cave and out of the wind when our number was called!

This was something we have been wanting to do for a long time and we are happy that we did it!

I always end up wishing we had done more on spring break and yet each day was full - playing at the park, going out for ice cream, doing projects around the house, putting the trampoline up, having cousins over for a sleepover, going on family bikerides and having a picnic lunch at the park. I guess I just feel like we can't compete with all the disneyland and hawaii trips I hear about and I hope that my children don't feel cheated. We do try to create memories for our family, get outside often, and explore the great sites to visit that Colroado does have. I know that having a lot of money doesn't make life easy, but some days I wouldn't mind just trying it out, would you?

sailing on,

Happy Birthday

2011-03-25T20:32:00.000-06:00

36 years. That's about the right time for life to just get warming up, right?
A while ago that would have sounded old to me but today it sounds just right.
Happy Birthday to Kurt!!!