Friday, September 10, 2010

What really matters

I really need to be cleaning and packing yet I need to sit and write for a minute, then I will pick myself up and go on.  I feel like a lot of things are pressing on me right now.  We are buildling a new house, which will be done sometime before Christmas (we hope!!!)  We just learned that we have to move out of the hosue we are currently renting by Oct 1.  I find myself pulled in many directions and with so many different emotions through all of this.  I continue trying to ask myself, what really matters?  Do you think my kids will REALLY notice or say anything about the fact that we are choosing to loose quite a bit of square footage in the house to gain the 1.5 acres outdoors?  Am I the only one who is really worried about that?  Is it all really going to work out, will we all be ok, we will actually get moved in before December 25 and all still be alive and hopefully still like each other?
  Does a formal living and dining room REALLY matter?  I know, such a silly, trivial question when we have turmoil all over the world.  Still, this matters in MY world.  Will my family be able to find somewhere to live for the next 3 months?  Will my children hate me for all of this?  Will it all be worth it?  Will I ever want to stop collecting Junk?  The problem as I see it is this:  I DO belive that my family will be ok, that my kids are amazing, strong, resilient souls who will blosssom in this simplified, slowed atmosphere.  What really has me worried is how I am going to do.  I don't want to let go of my junk.  I love space in the house.  I dream of doing things to the house and it isn't even done yet and we haven't even lived there yet.  I wonder about myself - is this dreaming a good thing? Does it keep me moving ahead and setting goals?  Or is it the thing that sometimes whispers that enough is not enough?  Can you really just "choose" to be happy?  Is life that simplistic?  Will I really still see my friends that are so dear to me?  Or will this space be multiplied and will the new life we are creating not fit with their lives any more?  Am I making a huge mistake?  So many things to consider, so much to dream of, only so much time and money to materlize those dreams with.  I think I am finally listening to the right thing in my heart.  Am I strong enough to embrace the answers?  

6 comments:

  1. Wow. I think you're asking some powerful questions, questions that we all ask at different times, particularly times of change and being stretched thin. With every bend in the road, even bends with destinations of our choosing, there are unknowns to face and negotiate. With everything we lose, there is something to be gained (although it may take time to uncover). I love you so much. I'm sure you and your family will make it out on the other side of the next few months with a bright and wonderful view ahead of you!

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  2. I love you, it was so good to talk to you last night. I have been thinking of many of those questions lately, but in the context of my life. I have especially been thinking of the desires of our hearts. I know Heavenly Father knows them and wants to give them to us, but sometimes He has to wait for us to figure out our desires- the ones that matter or wait until we are ready for it (either by earning it or learning through patience). We are going to the temple tonight and will put you guys on the prayer roll- I think we could all use a little extra prayers :) Let us know if we can help with anything.

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  3. Yes, you ARE strong enough! Every concern, big or little is important - and important to Heavenly Father.

    A favorite quote by a favorite bear of mine ... Winnie the Pooh "(You are) braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think." And that you are.

    I will be there ready to help you next week!

    Hugs

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  4. Yes, Emily you are defiantly strong enough!!

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  5. love it. and love you! I am always a little surprised when I pray for something I want, and Heavenly Father shows me how to get it, how hard it can be to give up what I have. You are taking a leap of faith - just run and jump!

    xoxo :)

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  6. Emily - I love reading your blog. You have been an inspiration to me since the day I met you. You are so strong and so good. I love you and miss you.

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