Sunday, April 24, 2011

Happy Easter

It's Easter Sunday and I know I should feel full of hope, renewed and joyful.

I have to confess that while I do feel those emotions generally for my Savior and for Easter, on a more personal and specific level I find myself weary, aching and wondering.  Perhaps that is how the man felt who came to Christ and asked for his son to be healed.  The Savior asked if he believed, and he answered, 'Yea, I believe; help thou my unbelief'.  I feel like I understand that answer.  I believe, Jesus Christ, I believe in you, I believe you are the son of God and that you can heal me.  I believe that you are my Savior and I believe that you have restored your church on the earth in modern times through Joseph Smith and that we are led by a prophet who communes with thee.  I believe in Holy Scripture and in miracles.  At the same time, I feel so broken and I wonder, how is it done?  Is it real?  Help me understand so I can be who I need to be.

I feel a bit like I am stuck in what Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin has called 'the Dark Friday of the Crucifixion'.  He says:
     "I think of how dark that Friday was when Christ was lifted up on the cross. On that terrible Friday the earth shook and grew dark. Frightful storms lashed at the earth.

Those evil men who sought His life rejoiced. Now that Jesus was no more, surely those who followed Him would disperse. On that day those men stood triumphant.
On that day the veil of the temple was rent in twain.
Mary Magdalene and Mary, the mother of Jesus, were both overcome with grief and despair. The superb man they had loved and honored hung lifeless upon the cross.
On that Friday the Apostles were devastated. Jesus, their Savior—the man who had walked on water and raised the dead—was Himself at the mercy of wicked men. They watched helplessly as He was overcome by His enemies.
On that Friday the Savior of mankind was humiliated and bruised, abused and reviled. It was a Friday filled with devastating, consuming sorrow that gnawed at the souls of those who loved and honored the Son of God.
I think that of all the days since the beginning of this world’s history, that Friday was the darkest.

But the doom of that day did not endure.
The despair did not linger because on Sunday, the resurrected Lord burst the bonds of death. He ascended from the grave and appeared gloriously triumphant as the Savior of all mankind.
And in an instant the eyes that had been filled with ever-flowing tears dried. The lips that had whispered prayers of distress and grief now filled the air with wondrous praise, for Jesus the Christ, the Son of the living God, stood before them as the firstfruits of the Resurrection, the proof that death is merely the beginning of a new and wondrous existence.
Each of us will have our own Fridays—those days when the universe itself seems shattered and the shards of our world lie littered about us in pieces. We all will experience those broken times when it seems we can never be put together again. We will all have our Fridays.
But I testify to you in the name of the One who conquered death—Sunday will come. In the darkness of our sorrow, Sunday will come.
No matter our desperation, no matter our grief, in this life or the next, Sunday will come."
I believe that Sunday WILL come, I do.  I feel deeply rooted in my faith and in the doctrine of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.  I also feel like I am living in a dark friday, and sometimes I wonder how all the pieces will be put together again.  And not just for me; for all the suffering in the world, for all those who are so sadly mistreated and denied priveledges.  I do belive that in the end it will all be RIGHT.  I confess,  I just don't understand HOW it will be right or WHEN or what am I going to do to wade through the pieces that are still lying around broken.  I do know that writing it out helps me and then I can break it down and work through it more effectively.  So forgive me my confessions, I'm sailing on to see when my Sunday will come. 
Happy Easter, with all my heart


  1. I love you. I listened to that talk several times yesterday. It is so good. And I know Sunday will come. I've seen it come in small moments and can't wait to feel and see it when the Savior comes again and we are all resurrected.

  2. A few things--
    Your table setting is beautiful.
    Clark is so cute.
    The eggs are gorgeous.
    I love Emma's dress.

    Friday. I love you and have faith that your Sunday will come. In the meantime, I have faith that you'll receive comfort and strength to endure the Friday.

  3. It is because of Him that we can look toward the Sunday after enduring the Friday ... and if it wasn't for the bitter Friday, we wouldn't appreciate the gift of the Sunday. Thank you for reminding me - to not just endure, but to learn and grow.

  4. I am so late in reading this...trying to catch up. What a beautiful post. I love this passage from the NT, it so speaks to me. I am going to save this entry so I can reread it at Easter time. I was not familiar with this talk by Elder Wirthlin, I need to read the entire thing. I think you are amazing, inspiring and such a blessing to my life and family. xo