Sunday, January 1, 2012

Flying Lessons

Here I am, 10:40 pm on the last day of the year.  The house is quiet and I have had some time to reflect on the year.  I wish I could say that I did some spectaular things with my children this week - that I planned great adventures and that we did service for others; that we created lovely items and visited fun places.  In fact, I fell to pieces a bit this week and we spent quite a bit of time at home.


Funny -that sounds a lot like how my goals to fly this year ended up too.  In pieces.  I'll take it, though.  While I would like to stop being 60 percent Emily and start being 100 percent Emily, I still have to take the 60 percent that I do have. It's true, I only reported on a flying lesson for 32 weeks out of the year.  It's true that I crashed and burned a lot.  It's true that when I look around I see A LOT of things that I need to change, and a lot of things that are in pieces.  Some of them I think I may know how to put back together, others I have no idea if they can ever be repaired.  I have loved looking at my calendar this past month and I'll show you why.  I love this image and this sentiment.  I often feel broken and in pieces and I love the idea of turning that around to the image of letting the light in.

Utlimately, to me, that means the light and life and love and joy that is offered to me through my Savior, Jesus Christ.  As I have thought about this, I realize that the light comes in so many different ways.  This next year I am going to work on letting the light in through the cracks, recognizing it for what it is, and spreading more light around myself.
Photo by Mark Mabry

I'm ashamed to say that my smiling muscles have gone virtually unexercised this year.  Yet if you stopped by my house for a quick visit (and I knew you were coming so I could rescue the mess and be presentable!) you would leave thinking I had everything in the world to be smiling about.  I had this experience with a friend and family member this past week.  I was shocked to learn that we had the appearance of 'a perfect life'.  Equally interesting was that I had that very perception of HER as she left - 'a perfect picture!'  Good thing we really know each other.  This taught me two things - first, that I do indeed have a lot of blessings that are easy to gloss over because they are so much a daily part of my life.  Second, appearances are only that - a surface photo that holds volumes within it.  So why am I ever comparing my real life with someone else's surface snapshot?  That game will never end fair - or happy.  I resolve to stop playing that.

Before I get too far ahead of myself with resolutions and commitments, I'm going to spend tomorrow doing more praying and hopefully shedding less tears.  This I do know - for 2012 I will be letting more light back in.  Yes, I will be posting weekly (!!!) updates here on the blog about what or how the light came into my life in 2012.  Having somewhere to report back to is a great thing for me to keep me accountable and moving forward.  I confess I also love the writing aspect of it.  I wish I wrote beautifully and could call myself a writer, for I truly do enjoy it.  The other thing I am going to do is create my own canvas inspired by this Mary Englebreight art and hang it in my home this year as a reminder.  I'm going to put my brave face on and work really hard on being who I am supposed to be.  And I'm just sure that the Emily I am supposed to be, the 100 percent Emily, is one who smiles a whole lot more and sheds fewer tears.  Wish me luck!
Sailing into 2012 with a smile,
E


2 comments:

  1. I absolutely loved that quote on my calendar too- it made me think a lot. Happy New year!

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  2. That quote and accompanying picture are very inspiring. I sure love you, Em. You're better than you give yourself credit for.

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