Sunday, January 22, 2012

Light No. 3

I completely dropped the ball on several things this week.  I forgot about Madeline's changed piano day {again} and missed the lesson completely.  For the second time this year.  {and the year is 3 weeks old so that means I'm not doing too hot on that one}.  I missed my exercise a few days this week.  I know that isn't a huge deal except that it dramatically affects my mood.  I am re-learning this about myself.  The challenge is that I can't take Faye to the gym yet (she isn't old enough and I don't want to either) but how do I get to the gym?  It's been late at night and generally tough.  I have gone 4 times this week though and I have the sore muscles to prove it.  Being sore at least re-assures me that I may in fact still have some muscles under there somewhere if I can just find them and bring them back to the surface now that would be wonderful.

I think I would still count it as a good week.  I slowed down and had some good laughs with the children.  I scheduled play dates twice this week and really enjoyed getting to know some new friends we haven't had over before.  I painted my toe and finger nails.  I improved my scripture study.  I had patience and a soft answer at a critical moment for one of my daughters.  I remembered that I used to have dance parties with the children on the way home from school in the car and so we did it again and it made us all laugh.  I guess what I'm saying is that while I didn't do anything huge/wonderful/exciting I did keep going each day, trying to make it a little bit better than the one before.  I made an effort to tie open the drapes and it is amazing how this small act (literally and figuratively)  brings so much light into my life.  I feel happier when there is light streming in through the windows.  I must remember this.  I started communicating more with some family members that I don't call enough and that brought me joy.

One of the goals on the resolutionary challenge this week was to always sit down when eating.  This was a great thing for me.   It helped me to slow down and taste and chew my food and enjoy it and to not just walk through the kitchen and grab handfuls of food without realizing all those calories I was adding to my day!  I am going to continue to this habit, I think it really changes how I eat!

Another thing that was really important for me to do this week was to take some photos of Faye in her blessing gown.  Her blessing was in December but the night got away from me and ever since I have been wanting to put her back in her dress and get some photos.  I finally did it this week.  Faye was not very happy so I ended up having a lot of shots with her pacifier in and she has a little rash on her skin on her face that I was hoping would clear up but at least I did get the pictures.  I don't want to keep waiting thinking at another day or moment it will be perfect (because that never happens).

Emma was really fun and entertaining this week.  One of the funniest things she did was one afternoon she was skateboaring down the driveway - she does this by being on her hands and knees on the board and then sticking out a knee or foot or just bailing off into the grass when it gets going to fast for her or she wants to stop.  It is actually quite a courageous act for her little body and I got a kick out of watching her and Clark do this.  Later that day she said to me "Mom, next time we go in the skateboard store I will probably be on that tv where they show people doing skateboard tricks.  Yea, I bet I will."  I tried not to DIE laughing and tried to not let her see me laughing at her.  As if someone goes around with a random video camera recording just anyone who rides a skateboard (especially four year old girls on their hands and knees down a slightly inclined driveway) and then streams it into the skateboard shop.  SO.  FUNNY. Love that girl.  She is something else.

I have had this bit of being generally depressed about myself and my body and my baby weight and my inability to get moving early every day nagging me all week.  Today it caught up with me a little and I'm determined to kick it tomorrow and have a good week without letting it get the best of me.  Maybe just by writing it down I'll feel like I can manage it better.  I'm just really struggling with it.  So you think I would be eating only fruits and veggies and chicken.  But I need to do better and I need to tell myself I can kick this thing!  Wish me luck on that one.

Sailing on,


  1. I really love reading your blog. So inspiring and insightful.

  2. Congratulations on your beautiful new daughter! She's gorgeous. Sorry you've been feeling down. Postpartum depression is serious business, and all that stress doesn't help.. Hope you feel better soon, but if not, take it seriously (and go back to bed for a few days). :)