Sunday, February 12, 2012

Light No. 6

It seems ironic that I felt more cheerful this week in spite of dropping the ball on some of my personal goals.  I think it is because I was totally focused on other people (mostly Emma and her birthday) and so I didn't spend as much time thinking about my problems.  Novel idea, eh?

The younger children were sick this week which always makes things harder and makes me worry.  I do not enjoy croup or RSV.  I'm thankful we have been able to manage both at home and stay out of the hospital!  I really don't want to do that right now. 

I had a really fun time celebrating Emma's birthday this week.  She is such an enthusiastic child and so free to share her love that it is very rewarding doing things for her.  I love her. 

I tried to spend more time looking into people's eyes when I talked to them this week.  Including my own.  I tried to look myself in the eye when I looked in the mirror rather than looking at all of the other things about myself I don't like.  I tend to not be a very good listener and I am finding that if I look into the eyes and think about what is deep down inside those eyes I am a much better listener.  Maybe if I can do this more to myself I will listen to the truths I know rather than all that negative stuff I hear running around inside my head too. 
I realized that my children are REALLY growing up.  I've known it for a while now but I really THOUGHT about it this week.  It scared me a little.  Will I be able to teach them enough?  Are we having enough fun, creating enough good memories?  Am I always "making them be slaves" like they tell me?  Or is it just that children in general have a natural aversion to work when play is available?  How do I teach them about how to handle money, especially when I'm not even sure myself?  Am I projecting my negative body image onto my girls without meaning to?  Will they all be ok even though I'm messing up all the time?  I sure hope so. 

Christian got to do something that I think every boy dreams of.  He and his dad needed to break down some old glass sliding doors to go to the dump.  He was a little surprised how many times he had to hit it with a hammer and how hard before the glass shattered.  I almost wanted to take over to relieve some stress but I took photos instead.  I think he really enjoyed himself.  I had a nice time sitting with him talking while we worked on Valentines together.  I had this huge plan of making something really cool or cute and clever.  When it came right down to it he just wanted to write his name and wrap it around mini snickers bars.  Done.  Sometimes I have to remind myself that this isn't MY craft project and that second graders don't take photos of their candy for Pinterest, they eat it.  :)
Madeline and Savanna were able to attend the Sweetheart Ball at their school with their dad for the first time.  They absolutely LOVED it and looked so beautiful all dressed up.  
I was shot at quite a lot this week.  Clark has found his all boy machine gun sounds and sword fighting moves.  He spent a great deal of time doing away with me; in between breathing treatments and naps.  And gazing at his reflection and admiring how cool he looks holding weapons.  He's all boy.
I'm not sure why, but tonight I do feel a bit like these mini daffodils on my front porch.  For the most part I am completely spent, wiped out, not pretty to look at, and devoid of energy.  Yet I do have some color left in me, I'm still here, and deep down I have that bulb that I know will grow again.  So I'm going to bed and I'll get up and try again tomorrow.  I will try to say this each morning this coming week because I love it and I loved reading about it HERE

“Whatever I can learn, allow me to learn it, but no matter what, I’m going to give Thee my very best today.”

Sailing on, 

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