Sunday, April 29, 2012

Light No. 17

Is it possible to be making progress and sliding backwards at the same time?
That's how this week feels.  I did some things that were important to me.  They were very SMALL things, but I feel happy that I chose them and I chose them to be important.

At the same time, I had a day where I realized (too late) that I had been completely emotionally absent and not at all present in the moment of what was going on around here.  Bad news.  I don't like me when I do this.  I know better.  But I still did it.  I realized it that evening and made very deliberate efforts the remainder of the week to do the oppoosite.  Memo to me:  don't slip into that behavior.

It was another week of mostly sunshine {which means LIGHT} and growth for the garden.  I'm such a garden nerd.  I love it!  I'm learning a lot this year and have high hopes.

In the moments this week where I was frustrated, or struggling or upset or wanting to run away I took a minute to remind myself of my blessings.  I reminded myself that there are others who would give up what they have to live the family life that I live.  I reminded myself that blessings sometimes come wrapped in challenges and that it's all going to be ok in the end.

I stopped and took a photo the other night when we were in the middle of one rowdy, loud dinner with some friends added to the mix.  Just to keep things real.  Sure, I love to post on here when my kitchen is clean and 'blog worthy'.  But everything in this house gets used; WE LIVE HERE!  We mess it up, we run around in it, we cry here; we laugh here.  We clean it up and start over again and again, every single day.  I love a tidy house and an immaculate kitchen.  I also love a healthy home cooked meal being served up to little people who mean the world to me.  It lightens my heart to remember that the people and feelings are what really matters here.  I want my home to look nice but more than that I want it to FEEL nice.  I have work to do.

We had the opportunity to enjoy a birthday dinner with my Father and Mother today celebrating my Father's 63rd birthday!  It was great fun, delicious food, lots of tickles and laughter and sunshine.  It was just what I needed.  As I drove over to their house I had tears in my eyes just thinking about the things that seem hard in life right now and about how much better I need to be in so many areas.  It lightened my heart to have such a fun time and to see my children so perfectly happy just being there.  It was a nice few hours to again remind myself of my blessings.

Whatever else I was going to say about this week has disappeared into that land of sleep that I just fell into myself!  It's time to call it a night and begin again fresh tomorrow.
Sailing on,

1 comment:

  1. You mean I'm not the only one who goes forward and backward in the same week, day, and even hour?!

    You're so great because you don't just recognize it, but you actually try to be better. I love you.