Sunday, May 6, 2012

Light No. 18

It's that time of year.  My children are counting down the remaining days of school until SUMMER BREAK!  They are so excited and I think we could all use a change of pace.  The weather has been gorgeous and I've found myself pulled outdoors more and more.
I loved this sight last night, reminding me with both the lamp post and the setting sun about LIGHT.  
This week I am embarrased to admit there were a lot of days that I showered around dinnertime, or later.  That is sad, but it also means that I was pretty productive throughout the day -- I exercised, I worked in the yard and the garden, I built a sand box for the children, and cleaned house.  I need to work on improving my appearance earlier in the day, yet I wonder if I should bother when I'm shoveling rock in the hot sun and digging in the dirt and cleaning toilets?  

I didn't do a very good job of lightening up and being more fun this past week.  I have been a little bit hard core about obedience and habits and cleaning things up.  I am just trying to head into summer in a good place with expectations set.  At the same time I feel bad that I'm not "more fun" all the time.  It feels like a tough balance to strike - having fun and playing around while still keeping everything running around here.  When I'm stressed and there is too much going on having fun is the first thing to go! I realized today that if I would just smile more everything would be better.  Note to self.  Smile more.  Look around for all of the many things to smile about each and every day.  Like a punchbuggie with a mohawk.

We saw a lot of friends this week and it was a delight.  I did some scrapbooking for the first time in YEARS and it felt so good.  I was able to provide some service for people I care about.  I tried a few new recipes and am getting better with my bread making.  I didn't accrue any library late book fees, that makes it a great week right there.  I got my van back out of the shop {again} and the air conditioning is working!   

My girls were able to attend a daddy daughter date at the church with Kurt and they had the most wonderful time.  It reminded me how important time is.  It is the best thing I can give my children.  I can't always give them things, money, opportunities, lessons, and so on; but I can give them my time.  I can give them a few minutes of listening without reproving when they are going to bed at night and I'm exhausted.  It's not that big of a thing for me but it's huge to them.  Why do I forget these things and become lazy and not do them?  Or sometimes I'm frustrated with their behavior throughout the day and so I don't want to go talk with them because I'm still angry.  It's silly, I know, writing it out I can see how silly it is.  But I do get frustrated and exhasuted and I forget that it is a special gift and that they deserve it. Because that's why I'm here, that's what this stage of life is for me; this is exactly what I always wanted -- a house full of children to love.  And now I have it.  

This week is a good week to be thankful for the here and now.  To be thankful for the sand in the dryer because it means that children are having fun and using their imagination and that the tv isn't on.  It's a good week to be thankful for the sunlight waking me up earlier and earlier in the morning so I can take a few mintues to lie there and hear the quiet of the house before the chaos begins.  It is a great week to celebrate the growth that I've had and to encourage the change that needs to come.  A week to eat healty and take good care of my body while at the same time stop beating myself up for looking like a mom who  had her sixth child 6 months ago.  A week to watch the sunset and remind myself that I have so many blessings in the here and now that I don't need to wish it away for what comes next.  A week to tell myself that I am enough, that I worked hard enough, that I cleaned enough, that I served enough, that I gave enough of myself.  A week to remember that I don't have to do this alone, that Jesus Christ notes the sparrows fall and certainly knows my heart.  A week to remember that he is the "LIGHT and LIFE of the world", and that HE loves me and will not leave me alone.  

I hope your week is full of light and beauty and that you do not feel alone.  Because you ARE NOT ALONE.  
Sailing on, 
E

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