Tuesday, December 21, 2010

merry Christmas


Blogging just isn't the same from my phone so this will be short.
I wish You all a very happy holiday week and wonderful new year!
I am so grateful for the gifts I have received this year;
The gift of friendship, generosity, warmth, love. The gift of de-cluttering, gift of learning from experiences, the gift of being surrounded by beautiful people. The gift of being humbled, of beauty all around us. The gift of being loved, the gift of art and creativity. The gift of health insurance and great doctors, the gift of adorable children. The gift of color, the gift of family, the gift of faith in my Savior Jesus Christ. The gift of patience and forgiveness in my complaining and heard-headed attitudes. The gift of nature, the gift of good books, the gift of mercy.
What gifts are you thankful for this year?
Sailing on into a new year,
E
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Wednesday, December 15, 2010

she's tired

She's tired of computer crashes and hard drive replacements.  She wonders what she is doing wrong, why nothing can work out.  Her camera needs repairs.   She made the soup too spicy for dinner and the kids were upset.  She's having a hard time feeling like it's really Christmas - should the kids use brown paper sacks for stockings or just not have one?  She can't remember a year without a tree.  She can't keep anything clean or organized and isn't sure she wants to try anymore.  Her kids are adorable and smart and they fight too much.  She wants her life back.  She knows it isn't true but she looks around and it looks like everyone else is living the dream that she can't reach.   She is supposed to get a few Christmas gifts for the kids but really needs to buy a  house, and a fridge, and a washer.  She can't win.  Everything feels too heavy today.  She knows it will get better, she just wonders if it will be in this lifetime?  She complains too much.  She knows she should be thankful in all things, even microwaves without handles, getting out of bed to start a fire at 3 am, being able to move and walk even though it hurts, having a great car even if the doors stopped working and she has to climb through the back, she needs to be thankful.  She has lost her touch - in pretty much every area of her life.  She needs to find the Christmas spirit - even if that means in one bedroom.  It's not what she was prepared for.  Why is she never prepared for what's coming?  Why hasn't she progressed farther than this?  Where are the lucky breaks?  Is she really supposed to love all of this?  She has no more tears to cry.  She raised her voice again today.  She misses her computer and her photos, how silly she is.  She fights on.  She knows there is no other way.  She will get up and do it all again anyway. 

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

This poor girl...

This is my three year old's life for the past two months:

Vomit for 4 days.  Be ok for 5 days.  Vomit for 2 days. Be ok for 3 days.  Vomit for 3 days.  Be ok for 4 days.  Vomit for 3 days, be ok for 7 days.  You get the idea, right?  For two months now, on and on.  The longest the vomiting goes is for 4 days and the longest break we have had is 7 days.  We spent another day at the doctor today.  More tests, 6 vials of blood drawn for tests.  She was so good, not even a bit of crying.  My poor girl, last night as another round began and I was holding her hair back (this is the one thing I can do for her that she likes, that comforts her) she cried to me 'Mom, why won't my sickness go away?'

Oh my heart ached at that moment.  I am wondering the very same thing.  I'm sad for a 3 year old girl who should be having much more fun than this.  I'm just sure there is something strange going on - she is swelling and her skin is breaking out in welts too.  Anyone out there know what this is?  Even today, at the doctor, not 2 mintues after they had swiped that thermometer across her forehead, a streak of red swelling right where it had touched her skin formed.  For now we are on Zofran (to try to stop the vomiting) and dairy avoidance.  While we wait for the tests results I told Kurt my conclusion:
She is allergic to not having a home!  :)

still sailing,
E