Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Remembering Grandma Nina

My Grandma recently passed away.  I regret that I did not make more efforts to have a deeper relationship with her.  I hope she has forgiven me and that we will be able to work on it some more after I'm finished here on this earth.  I did have a really nice visit with her and my children about two weeks before she passed away.

This weekend my family will be having a memorial for her and so I have been helping my mother scan in some old photos.  It makes me wish I knew more about my Grandmother, about her childhood, about her memories.  I'm going to make sure I don't let a relationship like this one pass me by ever again.
She was my last living Grandparent.  I tell my children all the time how blessed they are to know two sets of grandparents and to have them involved in their lives.  It's something I always dreamed about for them and I consider it a huge blessing.  


Monday, July 23, 2012

Light No. 29

This summer is passing much too quickly.  I'm dreading back to school so for now I am still in denial that it is coming in just three weeks after we get back from our upcoming trip to Utah.

So much needs to happen before we can even be close to leaving... and it all needs to happen in the next two days.  Kurt will see the specialist and go from a cast to a brace,  the van will get the transmission rebuilt again, we will pick up a check from the insurance company for Kurt's crashed van and shop for a new {to us} vehicle for him.  This whole vehicle business has been stressful and Kurt and I are both running pretty ragged this week.  Because of all the fires and hail here in Colorado it has taken 3 weeks for the insurance to process our claim and get everything sorted out.  In the mean time, they were only willing to get us a rental car for 6 days.  So I'm back to being stuck at home {which can be a very good thing} but now that the van is back into the shop we are out BOTH vehicles.  Not very doable when you are trying to work and run a family.  I wouldn't recommend it!  I keep telling Kurt {and myself} that in the end of all of this it will work out great, we will end up with a better vehicle for him and it will all be ok.  It's just getting to that part that worries me sometimes.

I had an interesting experience with a borrowed car breaking down on me in the middle of daytime traffic and 100 degree weather this week.  I have learned two things:
1.  Don't ever honk, yell and swear at someone who is broken down in front of you in the middle of traffic.  Understand that they don't want to be there every bit as badly as you don't want them there.  Try to be compassionate.
2.  I knew that everything was going to be ok the minute my Dad said he was on his way to help me.  This is a two part lesson - firstly it made me think of my Heavenly Father and how everything will be ok if I trust Him and allow Him to rescue me as well.  Also, It made me reflect on how I want my children to think of me.  Will they have the confidence and trust to know they can call me with their challenges and struggles and that I will be able to assist them in the ways that they need me without being emotional, dramatic, and losing my head?
My Dad didn't have the time to spend nearly three hours helping me in the middle of his work day.  He did it anyway.  He came because he loves me and he knew that my husband was busy, injured, and trying to do everything he could to take care of our family.  It was a profound lesson in love.  It's easy to show love when it's convenient, when we have time to plan and prepare and we are well rested and the situation is just right.  It is an even deeper manifestation when we are called up on times that are inconvenient and taxing.  Thanks, Dad, really, you continue to amaze me.  I love you!

I'm not going to say there were not at least three different times this weak when tears threatened at the corners of my eyes.  But I said to myself "Keep it together Man" {If you love Monsters Inc. you can relate to me here} and kept moving.  I feel the light shining.  My children are adorable and amazingly resiliant:  they don't complain about all the stuff and it's amazing how fast they forget it.

It's late, I'm tired.  I'm still here, I'm sailing on.

Saturday, July 21, 2012

Disneyland 2012

I have to say, when we first started off the morning I wondered if we should have spent all that cashola.  Now that it's over and we spent 14 hours having fun there I have to say it was totally worth it.  I'm so glad we did it and we have many fun memories, especially since we were with my brother and his family as well.  It really is fun - my favorite thing is to watch my children's faces.  I wish I could have gotten a photo of Clark on the rollercoaster in Toontown.  It was the only roller coaster he was tall enough to ride and HE LOVED IT.  The older children were tall enough to ride most everything and the only ride we missed because it shut down was Splash Mountain.
It ended up being an overcast day with some rain sprinkling on and off during the afternoon.  It was nice to not be scorching hot and we were glad the rainy day during the vacation was here and not at the beach.  Thanks to Kurt for the idea about surprising the kids and for working so hard to make this possible.  This was one long, tiring, exciting, spectauclar day.  
Faye and Cade {my brother's baby) were such troopers the entire day.  Faye loved the rides that she went on and fell asleep in Pirates of the Caribbean.  Cade, not so much.  He didn't really appreciate Winnie the Pooh and was so glad when it was over.  This is a day I will not soon forget!

Friday, July 20, 2012

photo favortie

At Disneyland Emma literally came head to head with Darth Maul.  He stood there staring at her trying to scare her for a full minute or more.  Children around us were crying and grabbing onto their mothers.  Emma was staring right back and at the end gave him a big smile.  It was pretty funny.  This girl has an amazing, frightening strength and lack of fear.  She was SO much fun at Disneyland. 

Thursday, July 19, 2012


This is a treasure.  I love it.  Right down to her little eye lashes.


Wednesday, July 18, 2012

What we brought home...

Sadly, Kurt brought an injury home from the beach with him.  He was knocked over by a wave and braced himself with his left hand as he hit the sand and... at first I thought it must be broken.  A trip to a local urgent care showed no broken bones.  Then it got worse, and worse.  All the way home.  So he saw a hand specialist yesterday and had surgery today.  His ligament that connects the thumb to the rest of his hand is now re-attched, along with the muscles that were cut through to get to that ligament.  Whew.  It's been quite a day.  I feel really bad for Kurt.  Especially since he also had a bad allergic reaction to the antibiotic in his iv and almost didn't have the surgery because they had to rescue him from the terrible reaction.  Kurt is alergic to the penecilin family of drugs.  Good to know.  Apparently he hasn't had an antibiotic for as many years as he can remember.  And now we know.
The good news is that he has a great doctor and excellent surgeon.  Having an allergic reaction when being watched over by several medicial professionals is a good place to have one.  The surgery center is willing to bill us as in-network patients even though we are not because they couldn't fit him into the schedule at the center that IS in our network.  He is on painkillers (that's a huge good thing for him I'm sure.  I can't even imagine how painful this is).  And the other good news is:  we are still here.  We made it through yet another day where life is unpredicatble and we are all just trying to do our best with what we have.  The end.

Pray for Kurt!

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

I've Always Wondered...

What my children's faces would look like upon being told that we would be taking them to Disneyland in the morning.

Now I know.

Monday, July 16, 2012

Light No. 27 & 28

The time is flying!

We are freshly back from our annual beach vacation and while I unload suitcases and do laundry all morning I'm mowing the jungle grass in the backyard and missing the sound of the ocean and the feel of the sand in between my toes.  I'm also thrilled to have slept in my own bed last night.  You can't have it all, right?
The past two weeks have been so much fun it's hard to even remember it all.  Is that possible?  I have to sit here and look at the calendar to break down all that we have done.  I do this silly thing every time I get ready to leave town:  I run around trying to finish every little thing I have left unfinished for the past four months.  For some reason projects, messes, and other miscelaneous ignored items that I have been living with just fine are suddenly blaring at me and driving me crazy.  I must have this subconscious fear that if I never return someone else will come in and see how I live and that will seal the deal and the word will be out on the street; then everyone will know I'm crazy.  It's a lose / lose situation - there is no way I ever get to it all and I end up leaving anyway.  It does get me moving to leave the house all cleaned up and the kids clothes stacked neatly, which is a nice sight to return home to.  There is a lot I still didn't get to but over all I'm pleased with the way I left the house!  Coming home today and living in it again, well, that's a different story :).

I love the light at the beach; it reminds me of so many important parts of my life.  I love feeling Grandpa close by while staying at his house.  I had so much fun just watching my children play and smile and run and be happy and even be not so happy.  It was overall a good week.  I really worked hard to set aside my own insecurities about being on the beach and just focus on having a great time with my family.  It was a blast.

I have so many different cracks in my personality that I am really hoping the light can shine in there and fix things up.  I'm learning that taking care of things is a big deal to me.  Everything in life needs care and maintenance if you want it to continue working properly.  I'm understanding that I have to be the very best example my children ever see because they see a lot of me.  Do you know how often I am not doing that very well?  I'm beginning to ask myself this question before I respond "is what I am about to say and how I am about to say it something I would want my child to repeat back to me or to someone else?"  It brings me up short more often than not, I'm sorry to say.  It is amazing how when I keep my voice soft the entire houses stays quieter and more at peace.  It sounds so easy, and many years ago it was.  It gets trickier now that more personalities are involved; offenses are targeted to hurt, sleep is fewer and fewer hours, and sometimes it just plain wears on me.  Overall, I'm coming back from vacation with happy memories, sand, and a determination to be who I am - just to do a better job of it.

Sailing on,

Thursday, July 12, 2012

Off Roading

One of the many wonderful things about three year olds is that they consider most things not just a possibility but a reality.  Take off roading in your tricycle, for example.

I love watching this boy grow.  I love his summer buzz haircut and I love how he pedals his tricycle all over the neighborhood.  The end.

Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Don't be alarmed

Please don't be alarmed if ever you are passing by and you hear a wailing coming from inside the house that sounds as if someone is getting their toes pulled off one at a time.
It's just Emma getting her hair brushed.  She insists keeping it long.  I insist it is brushed at least every other day.  The wailing continues.  Perhaps it would not be so tangled if she wasn't so speedy on her Big Wheel, if she didn't run and jump and play in the mud or if she allowed the braid or ponytail to stay in.  But then childhood wouldn't be as much fun without those things, would it?

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

The bicycle is fixed

This sweet boy has been waiting for weeks for me to fix his bike tires.

I can't really explain why it took me weeks to find the right size tubes and finally purchase them - we are just busy living life around here.  And I detest going to Walmart, which is where I finally found the correct size.  Thankfully Kurt was willing to do all the work from there.  Now we have one happy, fast, bike jumping boy.  Without a helmet and shoes... hmmm.  We'll have to talk about that.

Monday, July 9, 2012

Off to the beach

It's that time again, the week every summer we love the most.  We are off to the beach.  I've scheduled some posts to publish while I'm away and I'll have plenty of photos to share when we are back.  I can hardly wait to sink my toes into the sand and breathe in that salty sea air.  Thank you, Grandpa for this gift.  I know Faye will love her first visit; I hope it is one of many to come.


I'll be back! 

Saturday, July 7, 2012

Photo Favorite

The other night when I arrived home from a family photo shoot I took a few shots of my own family outside in their pajamas hanging on to every piece of the summer day they could.  Aren't they adorable?

Friday, July 6, 2012

Independence Day

I love the 4th of July.  This year did not disappoint.  It will be the year we remember raging Colorado fires in place of fireworks; missing my Mom and Dad because they went to be with my dying Grandmother, delicious and beautiful food prepared for days in advance by my mother, and a beautifully, festive decorated house done by my Dad!

There were bubbles, water guns and snappers involved; hours in the sandbox and jumping on the trampoline.  An early morning breakfast at the church complete with a parking lot parade.  A trip to the neighborhood swimming pool where the children enjoyed an endless supply of free Popsicles and water games.  Playing with cousins and enjoying fabulous food.  In the midst of all of this I got a new windshield on my van {finally, after two years and getting pulled over for it} and my parents got on a plane to Idaho to be with Grandma.
In keeping with tradition we painted the flag on our driveway the night before.  I was smarter this year and made sure to get washable paint so we don't go through THAT again with the HOA... silly. 

The evening ended with everyone watching Mirror, Mirror while I snoozed away on the couch.  It's just not a good idea to have me sit down after a day like this and expect me to stay awake.  
Faye feels the same way.  

I am so thankful to live in this country and for the freedoms that I enjoy.  God Bless America! 

Tuesday, July 3, 2012

Temple Square

While we were in Utah I had the oportunity to visit Temple Square.  If you are ever remotely close to Salt Lake City and have even an hour to spare I would highly recommend a visit.  There are so many beautiful things to see and learn.

The landscaping is immaculate and you will love all of the flowers.

Right now in one of the visitors centers there is a model of the Salt Lake Temple that is sliced open on two sides and shows you what is inside every room, down to the tiny details.  It was really neat to see.

Every time I see that massive structure I am again amazed at the talent, hard work and determination of those who spent so many years building it.

Inside the Joseph Smith Memorial Buildling you can do Geneology work and have your picture taken!

I love being there and walking around.  I love the feeling of knowing that so many of my ancestors worked to make it possible.  In a few weeks we will be back for a family reunion and will have some tours of the origianl Tabernacle.  I can't wait to learn and see more.


Monday, July 2, 2012

Do you ever...

Upload your photos to the computer and find things like this?

I'm stil laughing.  Then I'm wondering how and why she had my phone and what else she was doing with it?  I think I'll go check the computer and see if I have any new videos that will be treasures as well.

Sunday, July 1, 2012

Light No. 26

The first half of the week was a blast.  I was soft-spoken, fun and smiling.  We played with friends and got our shirts ready for Independence Day.
Enter car accident.  I let the stress of it all get the better of me and have spent the remainder of the week between phone calls and realizing I am worried about other things as well.

We leave for the beach this week and I'm not excited about putting my body into a swimsuit for a week for all the world to see.  Isn't that silly?  I know we will have a wonderful family vacation and make great memories and be happy and play and have so much fun and I'm worried about that baby weight.  It's silly really but it's real as well.  I keep telling myself its ok, I'm working on it, this takes time.  Then other days I cry, other days I eat too much, but most days I do my workout and eat good food and try to see the big picture.  Which is why I like writing these LIGHT posts on sunday evenings.  I get a chance to sit down and think about what has been going on and how I really feel about it and what choices I am going to make this week to change what I don't like and to continue what is working.

The children are all over tired from so many nights in a row of having friends over for dinner and enjoying the late night temperatures which make it bearable to play in the yard.  At 9pm last night I wanted to start yardwork just because it finally felt ok to be pulling weeds.  I have a new fence in the backyard waiting the addition of a gate that will be the entrance to the garden area, thanks to my husband.  I have tired children from sleeping out on the trampoline, playing late with their dad, and watching Oklahoma!  When I really think over it, I realize it's a good reason to be tired, fun activities spent with eachother and those we love.  How can I rob them of these memories which I cherish from my own childhood in the name of reasonable bedtime hours?

I'm craving more organization in several areas of the house, all the while knowing it will not be happening until summer's end.  I'm reminding myself how quickly that will come and how very much I want the memories to be sweet and full of family.

I'm noticing the sunset each evening and remembering how light changes everything.  I just hope it's changing me too.

sailing on,