Tuesday, January 25, 2011

ok. i am ready to start the year now.

Now that it is almost February I'm ready to get going. With the good possibility of closing on a new home in the next week and moving out of our kind and generous friends' one bedroom 700 sq. Ft guest house, I'm beginning to feel hope again. My three year old hasn't vomited in over 3 weeks, the prescription meds are down from 16 in the household to 11, Savvie's chipped tooth is repaired for the second time, Clark has beaten the bacterial form of the mumps, I have lost almost 20 pounds and 2 pants sizes, I have attended the funeral of a dear Aunt, we finally had a snow day, church is at the early schedule, and I am surrounded by beautiful things. It has been a very interesting 4 months - I wish I could say I've sailed through with grace and style, but that would not be the truth. What I HAVE done is learned a few lessons which will better prepare me for what lies ahead. I've learned that if I'm willing to recognize it, God's hand is in EvErYthInG. I truly believe that. Sometimes its a helping hand, a healing hand, a lifting hand, a stayed hand, a strong hand, a carrying hand, even a waiting hand, but its always there.

This year, I am going to learn how to fly. I think if I can learn how to fly above my daily life I will be able to look down on it and see that the even the mundane is meaningful, that the Lord's hand is there, and that I can rise above challenges that threaten to pin me down.
I am going to figure out what flying means to me. I am writing it down, allowing it to change me. I am going to take my beaten down, depressed, frustrated, impatient, loud self and make something new with myself.
'For I am not as yet come to the rest and to the inheritance, which the Lord my God giveth me.'
Deuteronomy 12:9
Until I come to that rest I am going to restore myself to the me that flies, I don't want to do anymore climbing; only flying. I want to fly through stormy skies and even battlefields with a peaceful heart.
Wish me luck. I don't know how to fly yet and I need to go find my wings....
Come fly with me.

'(Fly) in the light of your fire and in the sparks which ye have kindled.'
2 Nephi 7:11

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Monday, January 24, 2011

I miss..

my blog.  I can see a light at the end of this tunnell and it includes a home and a computer set up again with internet access.  I have been writing in my many journals, though, in the blog absence, and somehow I always have more to say.  This way I process my life and challenges and thoughts better so I can keep moving forward.  Writing it out is almost as comforting as speaking it to someone I hold close to my heart.  I had such a chance today to speak with a great friend and it lifted me so much. 

On a lighter note, Emma is keeping us laughing (sometimes in exasperation) all the time.  Today she was outside looking for her father yelling "Dad, Dad, SHOW YOURSELF!".  she is a crackup!  We are looking forward to her 4th year birthday party (in our home when you turn 4 is the really the first party you have and they go every other year after that)  hopefully in our new home! 

Ever forward, but slowly.  I am still sailing...