Friday, June 29, 2012

Just when

Just when you think you may be able to breathe normally for a few weeks of life your husband ends up in a car accident {not his fault} and the car is ruined.

I'm tired of talking to insurance people who can't help me, tired of worrying if Kurt's back and neck will be ok and tired of wondering how we will find another vehicle to replace that which was lost.  And it just happened yesterday.

So I'm off to the basement to do some sewing and hopefully a little creativity.  Then maybe when I emerge my children won't continue asking me if I am turning into a grizzy bear permanently.

Wish me luck!

Monday, June 25, 2012

Light No. 25

Summer is flying by.  I vacillate between feeling like we haven't had enough fun and wondering if we aren't doing enough work.

We've spent a good amount of time in the swimming pool, playing with friends, running in sprinklers, working in the yard and the garden, and reading good books.  I love this about summer.  After a visit to the library the children all ran inside to open up the books they had each chosen and to find a comfy place to read for a while.  An hour later I looked around the house to see where everyone had gone and why it was so quiet and found them still engrossed.  That made my heart feel light.  It is amazing how such simple things can bring them {and me} so much joy.

I began my daily creative time again and have found peace there.  Thirty minutes can do amazing things for me.  I'm back at it with P90x and feel happy to be getting stronger.

I was able to remember that I have many many blessings to be thankful for.  My husband has been working such long, tiring hours in the 100 degree weather that my heart swells with gratitude for his willingness to be the father of a large family and to take on that responsibility.  As I watch my siblings play together {in between disagreements} my heart expands more; feeling ever thankful for all of the life lessons we learn by being part of a family.

I also got behind on the laundry, still have a bag to unpack from the trip, and have yet to do a full housecleaning in over a week.  This bothers me yet I'm thrilled with the garden and the fun and the time spent enjoying summer.  It's a season, after all, just like I am in a season in my life, and I certainly don't want to allow that to slip by without fully enjoying it.

Enjoy your season!
Sailing on,

Saturday, June 23, 2012


While on our recent trip my sweet baby girl was able to meet her Great Aunt Fay, her namesake.  It was a sweet moment for me.  I can't think of a finer lady for my little Faye to become.
Faye loved all the food at our hot dog roast and devoured two cups of sherbet dessert.  I had a great evening visiting and asking advice.  The advice I was given from a couple who has been married for 55 years and a dear cousin of mine? 
1.  Enjoy Every day. 
2.  When you get to the end of your rope tie a knot in it and hang on. 
I thought that was worth passing along.  
Sailing on,

Friday, June 22, 2012

Photo Favorite

I love this barn.  Everything about this place says "home" to me.  My children were clearly just as happy to see it as I was.

Wednesday, June 20, 2012

I Love being Loved

This silly boy often wakes up in the wee early hours of the morning; that time when I have nursed the baby and put her back to bed, the birds are chirping and the sun is rising yet I still want to have my eyes closed.  He comes into my room and climbs up with his blanket and tells me about how hungry he is.

The other morning he put his hand on my cheek and said
"Mom, I love you like a love song"
Oh silly, adorable boy.
I don't know what it means to love like a love song but I love this boy with all my heart.

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Light No. 23 & 24

Has more than a week really gone by?  When I planned our road trip it sounded like a long time yet it passed so very quickly.  Still, it is nice to be back in my own bed.

It's funny how things work out in life; everything works out in the end even if I can't see how it is going to.  It has been a long time since we have had a big hail storm around these parts.  Seeing as how Kurt sells roofs I don't mind hail storms every now and again.  We have been praying and praying for him to have work for a long time.  Two nights before we were to leave on our trip we had a big hail storm.  It was quite a show; complete with the house across the street being struck by lightning.  We both knew immediately that he should stay home and work so off I went with just me and the children.

It was a trip I am so glad I took; one that has left me thinking, praying, tired, and happy to be home.

I found light in so many places these past two weeks.  One thing I continue to re-learn is that so often the light comes to me not from things or events or places but from people.  The people who believe in me, serve me, love me, trust me, and share their lives with me.  At each stop along the way of my trip I learned so much from my family members that I had the opportunity to visit with.  I learned more about myself and I learned how much I still need to learn.

Relationships matter.  People matter.  Memories are an energy that propels my life in happy directions.
Sailing On,

Thursday, June 7, 2012

Light No. 22

I thought that with summer break would come a slowed pace; calm and quiet and slow moving days filled with home activities.  I was mistaken!  Our internet router went out so that has left me without my usual convenieces -- I realized how much I use the internet for little things like doctors office addresses and phone numbers, directions and of course blogging.

I had some special time with Clark and Faye every morning early as we watched Emma and Madeline at swim team.  The best part about swim team is how exhausting it is and how well these girls sleep at night.  That, and to see their rapidly improving skills.  Our summer challenge continued to move forward quite well and our days quickly filled up with many many things.

Kurt had a little visit to the emergency room after puncturing his arm with a saw {fyi, never, never text your wife and say"cut my arm with my saw, at hospital, don't worry"} that is the point at which I begin to image the very worst and picture a severed arm hanging on only slightly.  All is well and how he is up to date on his tetanus shot!

We had a wonderful night at the rodeo with our superstar Muttin Busters, Emma and Christian.  Faye was able to have a special night with Grandma and Grandpa which made the evening easier for me.  What is it about the rodeo that I love?  Boots, dirt, horses, bulls, snow cones, hats, buckles, smiles on my childrens' faces, sitting in the stands and watching them hold onto sheep and do something brave, feeling happy and at ease with that small-town feeling.  I love the clowns, the lights, the chaps, the roping and the barebacks bucking and kicking.  I love it all.

All in all, it was one of those weeks where I had several exciting, fantastic moments mixed in with longer hours of wanting to be someone else -- wanting to be able to fast forward my life to the point where my personality flaws are overcome and mastered and where I don't do any foolish things {ie: push my friends' dauther too hard on the zip line at the park and have her fall and break her arm badly enough to need surgery to put a pin in it}.  I had many hours of wondering if I am in fact on the right track with some of the points I am working on and then reminding myself from somewhere deep within me that this thing, this motherhood, this striving and working with all of my strength is something I was always meant to do; something that in the end will be what matters the very most to me above anything I did decorating my home or serving others or making a career for myself.  I know it deep within me and yet sometimes I still get stuck out there questioning it when the going gets tough.  What I don't yet know is how to overcome so many of the never ending flaws that lie within me and how to change my life time reactions and habits to better ones - how to truly become who I am meant to be.  I'm still trying to get off the ground; and to think last year I thought I would learn to fly.

I'm still here; I'm looking for the light and seeing it through the clouds a lot.  I'm feeling blessed and watched over and frustrated and tired all at once.  I think that's how it's supposed to feel.  All the while; striving to be who I need to be.
Sailing on,